Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
by GeorgieDanosaur
Summary: Dan and Phils adopted daughter Alexa begins to become a teenager, but when Dan goes away for work, can Phil manage by himself? Sequel to I hope What They're seeing is as Bright as You rated M for language and sexy times.
1. Chapter 1

*15 years on, Dan POV*  
Today is mine and Phil's 12 year anniversary. It has been 12 years since we got married and 11 years since we adopted Alexa, our beautiful daughter. Today is her first day of year seven. I remember my first day of year seven. A lot of being confused and lost. I guess it didn't help that I was very shy. She's really confident, so hopefully she will be okay to ask around. The school is within walking distance of our house anyway. We moved from the busy streets of London a little over four years ago, and moved to the quiet town of Swindon.  
'Dad! I can't find my backpack!' I hear her shout from her room.  
'Its down here!' I shout back up. I hear her exit her room and down the stairs. She flounces into the kitchen, smiling like the Chesire Cat. Her black pleated skirt falls just above the knee and her blue polo t-shirt with the school logo on is tucked in. Her bright blue eyes are outlined with a small amount of eyeliner and her dark brown hair is pulled into a plait.  
'Had breakfast yet?' She shakes her head.  
'Wheres dad?' She asks me.  
'Work, honey' Phil got a job at Sainsburys just around the corner. I went back to university just before we adopted Alexa and got a job as a journalist. I have also published 2 teenage novels.

Alexa pulls on her shoes and we leave. We walk to school, chatting and laughing. As soon as we arrive she spots a couple of her friends who are moving to the same secondary school. She turns to me and smiles.  
'By dad!' I hug her.  
'Bye! Have fun!' I wave and turn around. I call a taxi and tell the driver to take me to work. Only a few more hours until me and Phil can start our anniversary celebrations. Alexa is going to our friends for the night so we have the evening to ourselves.

*Alexa POV*  
We walk through the massive doors into the school. We dawdle into the big dome in the middle. It's like an indoor garden. A year eight skips up to us who I recognise from primary school. She flicks her blonde hair behind her back and smiles.  
'Hi Lexi! Paige! Zoe!' Her bright voice makes me relax a little bit. She chats to us for a while before skipping off to her friends. I look at the time on my phone. Twenty past eight. I look at my timetable. My tutor is in SD7.  
'Who are your tutors?' I ask my friends.  
'Mr Cutforth, SD7'  
'Same!' Squeals Paige. We smile together.  
'Guys! I have Mrs Blackery in FB2!' We pull her into a hug.

Me and Paige wave goodbye to Zoe and make our way up the stairs to D wing. The school is separated into wings, because it's star shaped. We wander into tutor and are immediately mesmerised. Our tutor, Mr Cutforth, is a dreamboat. His short black hair falls in wisps over his forehead. He must only be about nineteen. He even has an earring! Wow!  
'Hi guys, I'm Mr Cutforth! Ill be your tutor for the rest of your time in nova Hreod school!' Okay. I'm not complaining.  
'Just take this tutor period to get to know each other! Let me just do the register' he goes through all the names. I smile as he says 'Alexa Lester' and explain that I like being called Lexi. I took my father Phils name when I was adopted. So did my other dad.  
A girl comes up to us and introduces herself as Leigh-Anne.  
'I like your last name! My favourite author has the same last name!' I smile.  
'Hi! Well he/she has a great last name!' She sits opposite me and we share some facts about ourself, just laughing and giggling as girls do. She pulls a familiar book out of her back and hands it to me. The name on the bottom reads Daniel Lester. My dad. I flip to the back, to the 'about the author' page. There is a bit of it that says 'me and my husband adopted our daughter 3 years ago, and this book was inspired by the first 3 years of raising her' I decide not to say anything about it because I don't want her to use me to meet my dad.

The rest of the day is a blur. Lesson after lesson of boring stuff. Science, then maths, then English, then History. Luckily I'm with Zoe and Leigh-Anne all day. I get in a bit of trouble for being chatty and hobby with the teachers, but other than that it was a good day. I wander out of the school and and over to dads friend who is looking after me this evening.

*Dan POV*  
What a hard day at work! But now I have the whole evening to sped with my lovely husband.  
'Hello?' I shout as I walk in through the door. The smell of Candles hits me straight away. I walk into the living room which is illuminated by about 20 different candles. I feel a pair of arms snake round my waste.  
'Happy 12 years baby! I tried to make you a romantic meal but it burned so I hope this will make up for it' he spins me round and plants a ferocious kiss on my lips. I have a feeling tonight's going to be interesting.

***BADLY WRITTEN SMUT GOING ON RIGHT HERE DON'T LIKE DON'T READ***

He grabs my hand and pulls me to our bedroom. He slams the door an pushes me down on to the bed. He sits across my hips and plants another kiss on my lips. I begin to unbutton his top and he goes straight for my jeans. I place kisses down his face and neck, trailing small pecks down his chest. I unbutton his jeans and throw them into the corner. By this time me and him are both clad in just our boxers. I rub him through his boxers. I feel him growing beneath my grasp, and I smirk. He whimpers and looks down at me, urging me to do something. I pull off his boxers and toss them to the side, then do the same to my own. And you can guess what follows...

***I COULDN'T WRITE IT! I FELT AWFUL!***

*Alexa POV*  
Today is going to be fun. Art, PE, art, maths. Maths again! As me and Paige walk into the school we are joined by Zoe and Leigh-Anne.  
'Hey guys!' Zoe smiles at us and we sit on the concrete slab situated on the edge of the dome.  
'So, I never did ask. How's your tutor?' Zoe asks Paige.  
'Shes awesome! She's really funny and sarcastic and sassy and just awesome!' We smile at her.  
'Well you're missing out. Our tutor is YUMMY' Zoe and Leigh-Anne nod in agreement. I spot Mr Cutforth across the atrium and point at him. Paige waves her hands in front of her face.  
'Wow. I want him with a side of chips please!' We push her playfully.  
'Ill tell you who else is yummy. There's this author I like called Dan Lester. He's, wow. But he's gay. Shame really, but I love gay people so ill let him off' she pulls her phone out and shows us all a picture of my dad, which is her background and lock screen.  
'What do you think, fit right?' Zoe and Paige look at me and then turn to Leigh-Anne.  
'Hell yeah!' They say at exactly the same time. What the hell? They know he's my dad! Wait, so my dads fit according to a bunch of eleven year olds? Gross! My face must've looked disgusted because Leigh-Anne looked at me and said  
'Don't you think so? Come on, he's fucking gorgeous!' Paige and Zoe burst into fits of laughter, and I let out a small giggle. Then another, and after a while I'm in fits of laughter like them. Leigh-Anne looks on at us, confused.  
'Dan is Al-' before Zoe can finish I've clamped my hand over her mouth.  
'I just don't think he's that good looking' I say subtly, mentally vomiting. Her eyes widen to the size of saucers and she gasps.  
'Seriously?! Wow!' The vomiting in my head gets worse.  
'Anyway guys, I was wondering if you could come to my house for tea today? All three of you, my mum said its fine!' She smiles brightly and I can't help but smile back.  
'I would love to! Let me just text my dad!' Zoe and Paige nod and we all pull out our phones. I click on 'Daddy H' in my contacts. (I put daddy h and daddy L in my phone so I didn't get confused. H for Howell and L for Lester)  
[Lexi]-8:07am  
Hey Dad! Can I go to Leigh-Anne's house after school? xx

'Oh, my mum will drive you all home after as well' she says to us.  
'I can't! I'm babysitting my nephew!' Paige wails.  
'Oh that's a shame! How about you two?' I look down at my phone and it vibrates.

[Daddy H]-8:09am  
That's fine honey! Wow, one day and you've already Made a friend! Go Lexi! xxx

'I'm allowed!' I smile.  
'Yay!' Leigh-Anne smiles back.  
'Im not! My mum said we have plans but she won't tell me what!' She gives us a sad smile.  
'Its okay! Looks like it's just us two then!' We spend the next 10 minutes chatting, then begin to wander up to tutor.  
The rest of the day passes quickly, but at the end of last lesson we all get a letter. I just did what I usually do when we get letters and just stick it in my bag.  
We walk out of school, Leigh-Anne pretty much bouncing off the walls. We chat all the way home, but pretty much every other word is about my dad. It's so weird, one of my friends is obsessed with my dad without knowing. We arrive at her house and walk in. We are immediately greeted by a yummy smell and a small, bouncy dog. I stroke her dog and follow her to the kitchen.  
'Hi mum! This is Lexi!' Her mum smiles.  
'Hi Lexi! Hope you like lasagne!' I nod.  
'It's my favourite meal!' I'm not lying. Ever since I was little I've absolutely loved lasagne. I follow Leigh-Anne up the stairs and to her room. She opens the door and it's just like a general girls room. A bed, posters on the walls, a computer in the corner, but something catches my eye. I go up to her wardrobe and open it, and on the inside the door is a creepy shrine dedicated to, you guessed it, my dad. Pictures, magazine article cutouts, wristbands and key rings. In the corner there is a picture of her, Both of my dads and me when we were both about 8 by the looks of it. I look closely at it. You can barely recognise me, I look so different now. I shut the door and turn around to see Leigh-Anne stood with two cups of squash and a plate of biscuits.  
'Im kind of obsessed with him. As you can see I met him when I was 8, with his husband and his daughter. I never found out her name though. His husband though, Phil, is the sweetest human ever! They're both such great dads too!' I smile. They are great dads, but I still find it really weird that my friend is obsessed with my dad.

The rest of the night passes quickly, laughing and joking like best friends. At about 7:30 we pile into Leigh-Anne's mums car and drive home. Just before we arrive, I smirk. This will be the perfect opportunity to tell Leigh-Anne. Just as we approach my house, I speak up.  
'Maybe you two could come in and meet my dad?' I ask politely and innocently. They both agree and we all walk through the front door. Before we go into the front room I pop my head round the corner to see my dads cuddled up on the sofa watching Coronation Street.  
'Hi honey!' Daddy L says to me, smiling.  
'Hi! I have some people you might like to meet' I pull them both into the living room and as soon as Leigh-Anne sees them, her mouth drops open, and even her mum looks a little shocked.  
'Are you gasping because we're gay? Because we are watching Coronation Street? Or because we're so devilishly handsome that you just can't resist?' Daddy H chuckles. I lift Leigh-Anne's hand up to reveal the 3 wristbands she has on, all from my dads merch store, and pull her phone out of her pocket to show her phone case with the book cover of my dads first book on it. She snatches it away from me and turns to face me.  
'What? What? What?' She repeats like a stuck record.  
'Thank you for having me over! Mrs Pinnock that was a lovely dinner! I need to have a shower now though. Bye! See you tomorrow!' I smile and usher them out of the room towards the front door. I give Leigh-Anne a quick hug and shut the door. As I walk back into the living room I am greeted by two disapproving faces.  
'You are horrible sometimes!' Daddy L says before we all burst into fits of laughter.  
'Did you see her face?!' I do a quick imitation of her face when she saw my dads before squeezing myself into a small gap between my dads. And this is how a perfect family is. Snuggled up on the sofa watching soaps and joking about with each other. It felt like everything was perfect. I've never wanted to find my real mum and dad because everything was perfect with my two gay dads, and our slightly dysfunctional family.

I **hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this sequel! Thank you so much to all you people who wanted a part 2, this is for you! I toyed about with some other ideas for separate fanfics, I tried a KicktheStickz, an Emma Blackery / LukeIsNotSexy, even a Larry Stylinson! But you guys wanted part 2, plus I COULD NOT get into it like I could with this one! Let me know what you think and whether I should carry on, but other than tthat**

**i leave you**

**With infinite blue ribbons 3**

**Stay amazing!**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	2. Chapter 2

*Alexa POV*

Paige and I traipse into school like we usually do and are greeted by a smiling Zoe. I look over at Leigh-Anne.

'Y'alright there, Pinnock?' I smile at her.

'I don't even know how to talk to you now. Should I bow to you?' We all laugh.

'As far as you're aware, I'm a normal girl okay? I don't want it getting out about my dad, so many people will try and use me. It's happened before!' She smiles at me.

'Can do! I still can't believe that! How could you have listened to me talk about how fit your dad was?! Ew!' We all exchange looks.

'Well, I'll tell you, it was really hard!'

'That's what she said!' Zoe says. We all laugh. We hear laughter from behind us, and we turn around to see our tutor with a tall girl with long, bright purple hair. It looks like they're laughing at what Zoe said.

'I don't think that's appropriate for a bunch of eleven year olds, do you?' We stare at him.

'Shut your pie hole!' I'd heard daddy h say that to Chris (his best friend) a couple of times so I decided to try it.

'I like pie! Pie is sexy!' Mr Cutforth laughs. He's like a child.

'Unlike you then! Luke Is Not Sexy ' The purple haired woman laughs back.

'Shut up Emma Blackberry!' They carry on this silly banter and we just back away slowly.

'Well she's blind if the thinks 'Luke is not sexy' because he fucking is!' I say monotonously.

'My tutor ladies and gentlemen' Paige laughs. The bell rings, signifying that it's time to go to tutor. We follow Mr Cutforth up the stairs, OBVIOUSLY staring at his butt as he walked up. We settle down in tutor and chat like we usually do. Zoe, Leigh-Anne and I just chat until Leigh-Anne nudges me and points at Some of the boys on the other side of the classroom. They are reading my dads book. One of them looks up at me and smiles sweetly. He beckons me over.

'My friend over there has a bit of a crush on you, but he's too scared to talk to you. He was wondering if you'd maybe go out with him?' I look over at who he points at. His blonde, scruffy hair has brown highlights in it. He wears glasses and he's kind of dorky looking but sweet. I was chatting to him yesterday, and he was really nice. His name is Jack. I decide to go for it.

'Yeah okay, tell him yes. I'm going back over there now' I wander back over to my friends.

'I think I just got a boyfriend' I smile at Zoe and Leigh-Anne. I look over at the group of boys. The one who asked me out looks really happy, and he smiles at me. I wave him over. The friend who asked me out for him, Caspar, comes with him.

'Oh you're reading THAT book' Caspar says to Leigh-Anne, his voice full of what I can only describe as resent.

'Yeah, so?!' She says, slightly irritated.

'How could you read a book by someone like him? It's unnatural! He's just a stupid faggot! I feel sorry for his daughter, whoever she may be. She's gonna grow up with two faggot dads. She's gonna be a screw up when she goes to secondary school, I just know she'll have no friends' I feel myself shift awkwardly.

'Excuse me a minute' I say quietly.

'Mr Cutforth, can I please be excused? I need to use the restroom' he nods and I shuffle down the corridor. When I reach the toilets, I lock the door and cry. I sob and sob until there's nothing left. Why is being gay so unnatural? When two people love each other, it shouldn't matter the gender surely?

After about 5 minutes I wipe my nose, splash some water on my face an walk back, head held high.

'Its okay, I told him where to stick it' Zoe said comfortingly.

'You didn't tell him that...?' I ask quietly.

'Well, I didn't' she puts extra emphasis on the I, and stares over at Leigh-Anne.

'You're- you're joking right?!' She looks at me regretfully.

'I'm sorry, Lexi!'

'You should be! I KNEW I shouldn't have told you! Just, just sit somewhere else!' I point at the empty table in the far corner. She picks up her stuff sadly and shuffles over there.

'That was a bit harsh, Lex' I'm so angry that I don't actually care right now.

'Well if it was so 'harsh' then why don't you go and join her?!' She looks taken aback.

'Thats not what I meant! I just meant maybe you shouldn't have kicked her off' I point over at her.

'Go. Since you obviously want to be friends with her, just GO' she does just that, and I'm left on my own. My head falls into my hands and a couple of tears fall down my cheeks until I feel a pair of strong arms round my shoulder.

'Go and stand outside to calm down for a little while, yeah?' Mr Cutforth smiles, and I do as he says. Jack follows me out of the classroom.

When we're outside he pulls me into a hug.

'That was horrible, what Caspar said. I had no idea.' I smile at him. He's so lovely.

'Its okay, but I guess I better get used to it eh?' We stay outside, just chatting, until the bell rings.

All day, every lesson, I get dirty looks from Caspar, but all day I keep my head held high and my hand in Jacks. At least I still have Paige.

I get home to an empty house. I do what I usually do when I'm home alone and put my music on loud. I lay on my bed, bobbing my head along to the tune of the song.

At 5, daddy H arrives home.

'Lexi! I got you a present!' I run downstairs and straight into the arms of my dad. He gives me a big, warm hug and hands me a bag. I look inside. A box. I open it to see these awesome trainers. They are hi-tops, black and white.

'Where did you get these?! They must have cost loads!' I smile widely as I try them on.

'There was a 75% off everything sale in Sport Soccer, I saw them and thought of you' I walk around, very happy with my new trainers.

'But why though?' He looks happily down at me.

'I got a promotion at work, I'm getting a HUGE pay raise! Anyway, did you have a good day at school?'

'Not really!' I say sadly.

'Awh darling, what happened?'

'I had a fight with Leigh-Anne and Zoe. No big deal' he gives me a huge hug.

'You'll all be friends again tomorrow. I promise' I smile.

'Thanks dad. Well I'm going upstairs' I run to my room and turn my music back up.

About an hour later Daddy L returns home. I run downstairs to give him a big hug.

'Right, we're going our to celebrate. Get changed Lex'

'What are we celebrating?'

'I got a promotion and a huge pay rise!' Daddy L hugs my other dad.

'Thats great honey!' They share a quick kiss and I run upstairs to get changed.

As we eat our meal, Daddy H looks up.

'Theres something I need to tell you guys' we smile at him.

'My boss told me I could have this massive pay rise, which is absolutely incredible, but there's one problem. I have to work in America for two months'

I **hate my writing in this chapter! Cliffhanger anyway!**

**R&R! If you do I'll give you imaginary popcorn :D**

**Love always,**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	3. Chapter 3

*Phil POV*  
'Well we're going with you then!' I exclaim loudly. The nice couple from the table over looked up at us.  
'Sorry' I whisper. They nod at me and go back to their food.  
'You can't! Lexi has just started her new school, we can't just take her away. We aren't just leaving her with Chris and PJ again,  
Remember what happened last time?' He has a point. Last time we left Lexi with Chris and PJ was when we were going on a cruise of the Caribbean for 2 weeks for our 10 year anniversary. That was when Chris decided it would be hilarious to give Lexi numerous cans of red bull and let her stay up until midnight every night, on school nights.  
'I just won't go, it's fine' he says, slightly sadly.  
'No, baby you have to. I can look after Lexi, when do you have to go?' I hear a beep. Lexi pulls out her phone and frowns at it.  
'Whats up sweety?' I ask her.  
'Oh, it's nothing' she puts it back in her pocket and carries on eating.  
'I have to go next Friday if I'm going'  
'You're going. Opportunities like this don't just happen!' Dan smiles at me brightly, his beautiful chestnut eyes glowing in the light of the restaurant. We all finish our meals and get a taxi home.

*Alexa POV*  
[Alexa]-8:43pm  
I don't fully understand why I said yes. It was just a spur of the moment thing. I barely know him!

[Paige]-8:45pm  
Just dump him!

[Alexa]-8:47pm  
Yeah but if I do, Caspar will be even worse to me, and Leigh-Anne and Zoe hate me. What do I do?!

[Paige]-8:49pm  
Look, just get rid of him! You clearly don't want him! And you have me anyway, you don't need the others!

[Alexa]-8:51pm  
Yeah I guess you're right, thank you Paige :D xxx

[Paige]-8:52pm  
No problem babe 3 xxx

I gather my thoughts together and tap a quick text to Jack

[Alexa]-8:57pm  
I'm sorry, Jack. I'm don't really understand why I said yes to you, I barely know you, I hope we can still be friends?

[Jack]-9:01pm  
Whatever

I lay back on my bed, throwing my phone onto the beanbag on the other side of the room. Not even a week into secondary school and I've had a boyfriend, I've dumped one, I made a friend, I lost a friend and I get bullied. Yay for growing up!

I open my laptop and log into twitter. I've gained 3 more followers.  
PinnockPineapple  
Casparrrr37  
Jackthedinosaur

Great. 3 people that hate me. I spend the next hour wasting time, scrolling through my home feed, reading people's tweets. I check my dms.

Direct from: Casparrrr37  
So what's it like living with 2 faggots? Do you have to fight over bathroom time?

Direct from Casparrrr37  
Your brain must be fucked up

Direct from Casparrrr37  
No wonder you're such an ugly whore, being brought up by 2 stupid faggots.

Tears roll down my face, and they don't stop. They just keep falling and falling, like nothing could stop them. I run to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. He's right. I am ugly. Scraggly dark brown hair, a big nose, a fat stomach. I slide down the wall onto the floor. My head falls into my hands and I keep crying, balling my fist so the nails dig into the skin. As my hand starts to bleed I feel a strange sense of release...pleasure almost. So I keep doing it. Doing it until I have no tears left to cry, no energy left to squeeze. I go back to my computer and check my dms again. I have 3.

Direct from JackTheDinosaur  
Stupid girl, don't you know that now you have nobody to stick up for you around Caspar? Diddums.

I type a quick reply.

AlexaLester357  
I can look after myself I'm sure.

I look at the others.

Direct from PinnockPineapple  
You'll soon realise that you were stupid for shouting at me, and i won't be forgiving. Stupid bitch.

I thought she was so nice! I don't bother replying, I just read the other dm.

Direct from Casparrrr37  
Nothing to say? Probably crying your eyes out like a pussy! Stupid fat cow, go back to wherever you belong!

I slam my laptop shut and fall back on my bed. I'm already in my pyjamas so I just lay there until eventually the sweet release of sleep overwhelms me.

**Only a short chapter, I know, but I'm building up to bigger things!**

**Thanks for everyone's constant support!**

**R&R for infinite malteasers!**

**Love you all, **

**~Georgie'xo~**


	4. Chapter 4

*2 weeks later*  
*Alexa POV*  
This is it, isn't it? This is what it's like to be alone. Paige keeps texting me, asking me to go to town with her at the weekend, but every time is the same response.  
'Well Caspar and Jack or Leigh-Anne and Zoe might be there' every single breath I take feels useless. Every amount of oxygen I breathe I feel could be put to better use. My arm covered in red scars that nobody knows about. My head full of the words, spinning round like a vortex of unwanted crap.  
'Stupid whore'  
'Nasty faggot'  
'Bitch'  
'Hoe'  
'Get back to your corner'  
All of these things are said to me. My dad is gone. I'm not going to see him for two months. My twitter, filled with words of hate from people I once called my friends.

*Paige POV*  
[Paige]-1:22pm  
You coming into town today? Please?

[Alexa]-1:24pm  
Not today, I'm spending the day with Dad L, we haven't had a day alone is ages. Plus, Zoe or Caspar might be out.

That's it. I can't take it any more. I'm going round there.  
'Dad, I'm going out' I shout up the stairs.  
'Okay honey! Be back by six!' He shouts back down. I walk out the door and down the road. I dodge in and out of alleyways until I arrive at the front door of Lexis house. I knock three times on the door, and Phil answers, smiling.  
'Hi Paige! Lexi is just upstairs, come on in!' So she lied to me! I step inside their giant living room.  
'Go on up!' He says to me.  
'Thanks, Phil' I reply politely. He refused to let me call him Mr Lester.  
I walk into Lexis room and she's lead on her bed listening to music. I clear my throat and she immediately sits up.  
'What are you-' she stutters.  
'Having fun with your dad then?' I reply spitefully.  
'No- I mean- I just didn't want to go to town' I sit over on her bed next to her.  
'Please Lex, you haven't come out for ages!' I grab her hand and try to pull her up but she resists. Then I see a small strip of red on her arm. I grab her sleeve and push it up.  
She pulls away quickly but not before I say loads of slashes decorating her arm.  
'Lexi what did you do?' I try and grab her arm again but she moves away.  
'Just go away!' She cries.  
'But I just want to-'  
'Go away!' I grab her arm again and this time she doesn't resist. Instead she hits me. Straight round the face. I look at her for a second before running down the stairs and out of the house. I hear Phil call after me but I just carry on running. Running and running, to nowhere in particular.

*Alexa POV*  
I can hear the thudding of the stairs as my dad walks up them. I then hear the door creak open.  
'Go away' I shout.  
'Baby, what happened?' He asks softly.  
'Go away dad! I don't wanna talk to you!' I try and push him with my feet but he doesn't budge.  
'I just want to talk!'  
'Piss off! I don't want to talk to you!' I instantly clap my hand over my mouth. I just swore at my dad. He stands up and looks down angrily at me.  
'Im sorry, I was under the impression that you were eleven, not twenty one' he stomps out of the room and down the stairs and I cry. I've been crying a lot recently, I'm surprised there's any water left in me. I cry and cry until I eventually fall asleep.

I wake up again at about 4pm. I've been asleep for three hours! I stand up and walk downstairs. Dad is sat watching TV.  
'I'm so sorry, dad! I shouldn't have used that language' he puts his arms out for me to hug him.  
'Its okay honey, just don't do it again. Are you ready to talk about what happened with Paige?' He asks me.  
'No' i say simply, and he kisses me on the top of the head.  
'Okay' and we stay like that, watching TV, for another 3 hours.

*Next Wednesday*  
*Alexa POV*  
I've kind of gotten used to it now, being alone. Everyone hates me now, even Paige. My life is kind of a routine now. Get up, go to school, get bullied, come home, sleep. My dads don't even know about the bullying. I don't really want them to either.  
as I walk home, I hear laughter from the other side of the road, so I look up and see Jack, Caspar, Leigh-Anne, Zoe and Paige all looking at me, laughing. I look away and walk down onto the grass. My legs take me into an isolated corner of this field I'm in and I just sit there, listening to music, for ten minutes. The sunlight disappears and a shadow covers me. I look up to see five familiar faces all staring down at me.  
'Alright?' Caspar asks.  
'Like you give a shit' I reply, my voice full of rage.  
'There's a temper on this one' Jack looks at Zoe, and she nods.  
'Get up' Leigh-Anne spits.  
'No' I stand my ground. Caspar grabs me by the hand and pulls me up. I try and run away but I'm backed into a corner.  
'People like you don't deserve the oxygen you breathe' Zoe steps forward so we're face to face.  
'You think I don't know that?! You think that I think I'm worth it in this world?!' I shout, and that's when I feel it. One fist into stomach, another on my face. I fall to the floor, yelling. A kick on my face, a kick in my side. Someone stamps on my stomach and I yell out in pain, disgusting sobs escaping my lips. And then another kick to the face. Laughter. Then nothing. Silence. I like silence. It blocks out all the horrible things in the world. Except it doesn't. Flashes of those 5 familiar faces glide past my head. Spiteful voices swerve in and out of my brain. Everything is black, but I still have my thoughts. The thoughts of those people's faces. The pure disgust. I can't see anything, I can just hear the words. I try and open my eyes but I can't. I realise I'm unconscious. But how? I can still think, I just can't move. So this is it then. Nobody's going to find me here. I'm just going to die out here. Not that that's a problem, in fact, I'm quite glad. There's no need to apologise. I can hear distant voices, feel my body being lifted. How can I still feel, when I'm not awake? I'm not supposed to be able to feel. Maybe in not unconscious. Maybe I'm just passed out, and all these thoughts I'm having are just dreams. The feeling of me being lifted, that's all in my sub-conscience. Everything I'm thinking, feeling, hearing, all dreams. And that's when it all stops.

I open my eyes and I'm in my nice, comfy bed at home. I sit up and groan in pain. I rip off the bed sheets, ready to assess the damage. 3 big, blue, pancake size bruises on my left leg. Swelling and mild bleeding on my stomach. I reach up and touch my face. I can feel the bruises, feel the dried blood crumbling beneath my fingers. Dad comes in with a tray of tea, lasagne and a big bowl of ice-cream. He puts it down on the floor and gives me a huge hug, not squeezing too tight to avoid putting through more pain. Then he bursts into tears. I try and pat his back, comfort him, but it's not long before I'm crying myself.  
'I could have lost you! If I wasn't for-  
For Leigh-Anne, calling and telling me where you were!' My head shoots up.  
'Leigh-Anne?' I question.  
'Yes, she said you got hit by a car but to avoid humiliation you ran to the field, then you passed out' I can feel the rage bubbling in my stomach.  
'And you believe that?! You believe that if I got hit by a car then I wouldn't phone an ambulance?! I'm not stupid, dad!' I shout, and he looks on at me, surprised.  
'Okay, stop shouting at me! That's all you've done recently is shout!' He's right. Since dad H left 2 and a Half weeks ago I've been nothing but trouble. Shouting, being gobby, not talking. Dad stands up and walks out.  
'Tell me when you've grown up enough to talk to me properly' then he stomps out and slams my bedroom door closed.

*Phil POV*  
I pull up Skype on my laptop and see that my beautiful husband is online. I press the call button and he answers almost immediately.  
'How's it going?' He asks happily.  
'Not good. Lexi keeps yelling at me. Now Dan, I'm going to tell you something, and you need to promise not to freak out' he looks at me puzzlingly.  
'You're scaring me, what happened' I breathe out.  
'Well I got a frantic call from Leigh-Anne on Lexis phone, she said Lexi got hit by a car but then I brought her home in PJs car and she just woke up and started shouting at me and saying that she's not stupid enough to just not move after getting hit and by the looks of the bruises she got beat up' I say that all quickly and burst into tears.  
'I miss you' I say quietly. I look at the screen and see that his eyes are full of tears.  
'Right, I'm coming home' he says.  
'No! You can't!' I shout.  
'You need me!' He shouts back.  
'No!' I insist. I try and stay strong, not letting the tears spill out of my eyes. I hear Lexi come down the stairs.  
'Come and talk to your dad, Lex' I smile at her, but tears are soon threatening to fall when I see the state of her. She trails over and sits beside me.  
'Hi dad' She says sadly.  
'Lexi you tell me what happened and I don't want you to leave out one tiny little detail' she sighs.  
'Well for the past month or so I've been bullied about you guys being gay, and I had a fight with Zoe and Leigh-Anne and they started being horrible, so Paige came round trying to force me to come outside and I slapped her round the face, and I tried to apologise and she just carried on ignoring me, and then on my way home today I was sat listening to music, and this boy, Caspar, asked me of I was alright, like proper sarcastically, so I said 'like you give a shit'and then Zoe punched me, and I kept getting hit by Zoe, Caspar, Jack, Paige and Leigh-Anne' she lies back on the sofa and cries. I put my arm round her.  
'Im sorry I shouted at you, dad. It wasn't your fault' she whispers. I look at the screen. Dan is crying too now.  
'That's it, I'm coming home!' His voice is angry.  
'No! Please! I can look after myself! Please dad?' Lexi pleads. Dan sighs and nods.  
'Okay but one more time and I'm not taking no for an answer!' I look over at the clock.  
'Its 10, Lexi, you'd best be going to bed. I'm going into school tomorrow to tell them what happened, then I'm getting you a school transfer sheet'  
'No!' She says loudly. 'The only thing worse than going back would be not going back' she has a point.  
'Okay, if you say you can handle it. Now get off to bed' I kiss her forehead, and she waves goodbye to Dan. Then she goes up to bed. I hang up on Dan, then lie back on the sofa and cry. Why? Why does this happen? I need Dan. I don't want him to come home though. I need him here to kiss me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I need him to snuggle up to. I need him.

_I__**I feel like the quality of my writing is slowly deteriorating, and for that, I can only apologise. I'm just really stressed out and I'm having a lot of personal problems, and even though I'm really enjoying writing this, and I won't be stopping, the quality is getting very slightly worse. **_

**_anyway, R&R and I'll love you forever!_**

**_love always, _**

**_~Georgie'xo~_**


	5. Chapter 5

***Phil POV***

I wake up and my whole body aches. My dreams were consume with fear, my brain full of 'worst case scenario' thoughts. It's four o'clock in the morning. Three hours until Lexi gets up and ready for school. Why am I letting her go? What kind of awful parent am I? It doesn't help that I miss Dan with every fibre of my being. I would give anything to have his strong arms wrapped around me, telling me that Lexi will be fine. But I can't take this away from Dan, this is something he's been dreaming of his whole life. If I ask him to come back then I'll be overwhelmed with guilt and I won't be able to function properly. I sit up sleepily, hoping that it will get rid of the thoughts, but all it did was make me dizzy. I fall back onto my pillow, and sleep soon takes over me.

My alarm goes off at seven on the dot. Those last three hours of sleep were no better that before, and I'm surprised when I hear three loud knocks on the front door downstairs. There is only one person I can think of who would knock like that.

I rush downstairs and open the door and sure enough stood there is a tall policeman with tan skin and brown hair. My stomach begins to turn. He looks like Dan.

'Mr Lester?' He says, his voice loud but oddly calming.

'Come on in' I move out of the doorway to let him in, and he does so, his footsteps loud on the wooden floor.

'Would you like a tea or a coffee?' I ask politely, my heart pounding as to what he could be doing here. Is this about Lexi? Is she in trouble for something?

'I would love a coffee if you're offering! Milk, two sugars please!' Just how Dan likes his coffee. I hear Lexi's soft footsteps creeping down the stairs.

'Hello. Are you Alexa Nicole Lester?' I hear the policeman ask softly. Me and Dan decided to choose a name each, the best would go as the first name and the other would go as the middle name. I chose Nicole but I think Alexa Nicole sounds better than Nicole Alexa anyway.

I can hear some distorted voices from the living room but I can't quite make out what they are saying. I make two mugs of coffee and take them in to the living room.

'Hello Mr Lester. Thank you very much for the coffee. It has come to my attention that there was a problem with Alexa yesterday after school, was this correct?' Alexa nods slowly.

'We arrested one boy, and another boy is under strict guard from his parents not to leave the house alone' I must have looked really shocks end because he says to me

'We got a phone call from a young lady yesterday by the name of Leigh-Anne' of course it was Leigh-Anne. She was the one who phoned me.

'I didn't even know eleven year olds could be arrested?' Alexa says quietly.

'Oh yes! We take as young as ten if their crime was worth that. What Mr Lee committed was Grievous Bodily Harm, which is punishable for up to a five year prison sentence. Alexa's was only a small case, so Mr Lee will only be sentenced to about a year or two depending on what the court decides, but he could do this by either doing a jail sentence or community service. But anyway, I came here to keep you up to date with the situation and make sure you're happy with it?' We both nod.

'Great, so the court hearing has been scheduled for Two weeks time. Will you and your wife both be able to make it?' He asks innocently.

'Actually my husband is in America for two months' I try to put a small amount of emphasis on the word 'husband'

'Oh my, I'm very sorry. When do you think he will arrive back?' I had to suppress a giggle as he got flustered.

'In six weeks time' I reply, slightly sadly.

'Oh, you must miss him terribly! If my wife went away for that long I would miss her a lot!' This time I do giggle.

'You're very posh, aren't you?' He looks at me with death eyes.

'Articulate, I hate when people call me posh' just like Dan. He hands me a little business card.

'Here is my work contact details, let me know when you want to schedule a time and date for the court hearing. Bye bye now' he gives us a little awkward wave and leaves the house. I take a quick glance at the clock.

'You're going to be late! Are you definitely sure you want to go in? Because I would be more than happy to stay in with you today' she smiles brightly at me.

'I'll be fine. Caspar and Jack obviously won't be there so I'll be fine' I pull her in for a massive hug.

'You're a good girl. Now go! Get off!' She leaves the house and again I'm worrying. I hope she'll be okay.

*Alexa POV*

As I drag my feet along the grubby pavement, I can't help but feel like someone is following me. I turn around and nobody is there, but as I carry on walking I feel something banging on my backpack. I turn around again and right there are Leigh-Anne, Zoe and Paige, hands all full of rocks.

'You're throwing rocks? Are you all six years old? Jesus!' I shout at them. Zoe throws one and it hits my leg.

'Just been to Jacks and Caspars. Jack can't come to school and Caspar has been arrested' Paige and Zoe look at me expectantly. Leigh-Anne stands behind, avoiding any eye contact.

'I am aware of the situation. Do you want a medal or...?' Paige throws another rock that hits my arm.

'You went to the police didn't you? You little fucking tell tale' She throws another that hits my hand.

'No I didn't, I've barely been up out of bed since I got home yesterday!' I shout.

'That's because you're a fucking fat lazy cow' Zoe spits.

'It could be that you know. Or it could just be the fact that I got beaten up. Hmm, I wonder?' I stroke my invisible beard and another rock hits my hand.

'Well if you didn't phone the police then who was it?' I look at Leigh-Anne. Her eyes plead with me to not say anything, though her lips don't move. I shrug.

'I don't know who it was! The police don't generally give that information' another rock on my cheek.

'It was probably that faggot dad of yours' my fists clench in anger, but unclench when I realise that if I fight, I'll be stopping down to their level.

'I said, I don't know who it was!' Zoe laughs.

'Ooooof course you don't. Come on, Leigh-Anne, you try!' She smiles fakely and nods slowly. She raises her arm, and mouths 'I'm sorry'

Then the throws it

The piece of glass

That landed in my eye.

**Dun dun DUUUUUN! **

**Sorry for another short one! We've just had a week off and I spent it doing a total of fuck all the whole entire week. It was a good week! The only reason it was short was because I fit everything in that I needed! This isn't filler or anything, this will be very important later on, no spoilers though (because I don't quite know myself yet) I've literally made this up as I went along! (Only this chapter. I have an idea for a general plot line but it will make the story very short and I'm trying to detail it a bit more, that's where this came from)**

**Wow this was a longAN, sorry! You had to pay attention to my actual personality! EW! (Well you didn't have to but if you read this...use the word 'cheese' at least once in your review!)**

**R&R for some donkey love!**

**Love always**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	6. Chapter 6

*Alexa POV*  
'Lexi! Time for dinner!' I hear a woman shout from the kitchen. I walk downstairs, confused, fully aware that I'm dreaming, yet fully able to control my emotions and actions. I'd read about lucid dreaming in books but I was never aware that it was a thing that could really happen.  
I walk into the kitchen and see a woman with long, dark blonde, curly hair pulling a lasagne out of the oven.  
'Hi mum!' I smile, then think 'mum?'  
It's as if I'm on autopilot.  
'Hi honey. Go up to the end of the garden and tell dad that dinner is ready!' I walk to what I assume is the back door and at the end of the garden is a man with a T-shirt that looks like it has a map on it, and a pair of jeans, half white, half black.  
'Uh, dad?' I say as if its a question. He looks up and smiles, and I see his light brown hair is stuck up in all directions.  
'Yes honey?' I take a step forward.  
'Mum says dinner is ready, we need to go in' I smile again, then stop. It's Like I'm arguing with myself!  
'Coming babe' he's a very smiley person.  
As I sit down, there is a knock at the door.  
'Oh, a couple of our friends are coming up from Swindon for tea. You've never met them before so try to be nice. Not that you're not anyway!' My mum goes and opens the door and let's in two familiar faces, that I can't quite place  
'Lexi, these are my friends Dan and Phil' I smile and shake their hands as of I'd never met them before, then sit down in a state of utter shell shock.  
'You okay Lex?' My dad asks.  
'Uh, yeah, what? Yeah I'm fine!' I try and smile but my mouth just goes crooked.  
'So, you guys okay?' My mum asks.  
'Yeah, I'm great! So Lexi, how's school?'  
'Its good actually! I say, putting a spoonful of lasagne in my mouth. After ten minutes of awkward conversation, I feel my shoulder shake.  
'Lexi. Lexi are you awake'  
'What?' My dad is shaking my shoulder.  
Then I open my eyes and I'm lying in a bed, covered in sheets, surrounded by people that I don't recognise.  
'What happened?' I ask groggily.  
'A girl threw a piece of glass in your eye, and another threw a big rock at you, and you were knocked unconscious.  
'Were are my parents?' I ask, panicking.  
'I'll bring your dad in!' the nurse says brightly, and she brings in one of the two men that appeared in my dream. He is very tall, with bright blue eyes and dark black hair. He appears to be in his late thirties.  
'What? No, I want my parents! Who is this? Where are my mum and dad?' The man looks at me, hurt filling every feature of his face, and he begins to cry. I stare at the man crying on the end of my bed. He was in my dream, but I can't help but recognise him from somewhere other than that. I can't quite place where though.  
'I want my mum and my dad!' I demand. Another nurse comes over to me, and my current one leads the man out of the room.  
'Can you tell me about your parents?' The nurse asks me.  
'Of course! My mum, Carrie Hope Fletcher, has curly blonde hair, hazel eyes and is quite tall. Her brother was in a famous band years ago. My dad, Alex Richard George Day, has light brown, crazy hair, and he often wears strange clothes like black and white jeans or furry coats' the nurse looks confused, and exits the room quickly. What is going on? Where are my parents?

*Phil POV*  
As the nurse calms me down, another nurse walks out.  
'Now Mr Lester, I'm going to ask you a few questions, will you be okay?' I nod, though I'm not even sure myself. My own daughter doesn't recognise me! It's all I can do not to burst into tears again!  
'Now if you don't mind my asking, how did you adopt Alexa?' I sniff.  
'Well, some good friends of ours had her, but weren't quite ready to look after her, so instead of giving her to an agency, we went there ourselves to find out if we were fit to adopt her ourselves, and we were' a couple more tears roll down my face, but I wipe them away with my thumb.  
'Who were these friends?'  
'Carrie Hope Fletcher and Alex Day' her eyes widen.  
'Has Alexa met them before, and is she aware that they are her real parents?' I shake my head.  
'Neither me nor Dan have told her about her real parents, because she's never wanted to know, and she has never met them' she looks completely shocked.  
'Can you describe their appearances to me please?' I pull my phone from my pocket and show her a picture. She stands up.  
'You see, the description of the parents she wanted to talk to exactly fit the picture, and the names also. So they are her birth parents?' I nod. So she recognises her parents that she's never met, but not me, the man who has raised her for eleven years? I begin to cry again, ugly sobs escaping my mouth. I must look like an idiot but I don't care. The nurse goes back into the room where my daughter lay, not knowing who I am. I pull my phone out and dial my ex girlfriends number.

'Hey Carrie, sorry to phone without warning but we're having a bit of an issue. Do you think you and Alex can make it up here tomorrow?' I ask. I hear her shout something up the stairs.  
'What happened? You sound like you've been crying!' I sniff.  
'I have been, there's been a major problem with Lexi and I think I'm going to need you both to be here' she gasps.  
'Is everything okay? We can get there for a few hours if its really that bad! Phil what happened?' I sigh.  
'Ill explain when you get here. Thank you so much Carrie' I sniff again  
'Whatever it is will be okay, Phil! We'll see you in a few hours!' I hang up and check the time. 9:00am, an hour since she left for school. I knew I shouldn't have let her go, I had that Voice in the back of my head saying 'don't let her go' but i ignored it. I'm the worst parent in the world, for letting her go. This is all my fault isn't it? If I hadn't let her go to school, especially on her own, she wouldn't be lying in that room, not knowing who I am. I'm the worst parent in the world. It just makes the fact that Dan isn't here so much worse. I need him here, to tell me that nobody could have predicted this, that it's not my fault, even though it completely is. I groan loudly, but luckily there is nobody around to hear me.  
After an hour of groaning and crying, I go back in and see her.  
'Who are you? Where are my parents?' She asks quietly, and I suppress the urge to cry again. I pull a chair against her bed and take her hand.  
'Your parents are on there way. You see, me and my husband adopted you from your parents when you were a baby, that's why everyone is confused. You've never met your parents, and that's why we got confused when you knew what they looked like. How do you know what they look like?' She looks at me in disbelief.  
'Of course I know what my parents look like, I've lived with them my whole life! Not you! Not you or you husband! My parents! Carrie and Alex! Where are they?!' She shouts  
'They are on their way down from London. They won't be long, I promise' I reply quietly. Then I take a deep breath in.  
'You were in my dream last night. You and someone else were friends of my parents. Is that true?' She asks.  
'Yes, me and my husband are good friends with your parents. Your mum and I used to be boyfriend and girlfriend a very long time ago' I sigh.  
'So what happened?' She blinks and her blue eyes stare at me.  
'Oh. Well your mum came back from a job in America and she'd found someone else that lived in the same area' she looks at me, puzzlingly.  
'My dad?' She questions.  
'Your dad' I repeat. She stares at me, and I have to exit the room. I have to get home. If I stay here, I will burst into tears again. I give the lady at the front desk my details and I run. I run and run and run until I reach my flat. It wasn't until I got inside that I realised just how far I had run. I collapse into the sofa and cry. And cry and cry and cry.

After about half an hour, I hear a knock at my door. I groan and open it, and there, staring at me, is a woman with a clipboard and a very official looking suit.  
'Mr Lester?' I swallow and nod, unable to form words.  
'May I come in?' I let her in and she sits on the sofa.  
'Coffee?' I manage to croak out.  
'Yes please, milk with one sugar!' I bustle around in the kitchen, hands shaking, but I manage to not spill water everywhere. Why is she here? What did I do wrong?  
'Now Mr Lester, I'm aware that your husband is away in America at the moment, is this correct?' I nod and my eyes begin to water.  
'Now you were left looking after your eleven year old daughter. May I ask what has happened over the past few weeks?' I sit up straight.  
'Well I'm not really sure what has happened over the past few weeks, because she never spoke to me. She just went up to her room all the time and never really spoke to me or my husband. It wasn't until yesterday that it became apparent that there was a problem, when I got a hysteric phone call from a friend of Alexa's, saying that she'd been beaten up and left there' I begin to cry again, but the woman just nods.  
'And this morning, what made you let her go to school?' I swallow again.  
'She told me that if she didn't go back then it would be worse. I thought she was right' she nods again.  
'Well Mr Lester, something you may not have noticed is your daughter has been self harming, and has been diagnosed with depression. I'm afraid that from what you have told me today, you are not fit to look after Alexa as a single parent. We will be taking her into a care home under the grounds of you have been neglecting your child. This is only until you are deemed fit enough to look after your child. Have a nice day' the anger rises up and I stand up.  
'No! You CAN'T take her away from me! You can't! I won't let you!' I scream at the top of my voice. I can't stop the tears from pouring, but I don't care.  
'Now Mr Lester, calm down. It's only until-' but I interrupt her.  
'You can't take her away from me! I HAVE LOOKED AFTER HER PERFECTLY WELL OVER THE PAST ELEVEN YEARS, AND AS SOON AS SHE ENCOUNTERS SOME PROBLEMS A SCHOOL, I GET DONE FOR NEGLECTING HER? You can't take her away from me! You can't take her! You can't take my child away! NO!' My voice is coming out high and screechy, and I'm crying more than I thought was humanly possible. She stands up and walks to the door.  
'Ill be in touch'  
'No! You can't take her away! Please!' But she's already left. I grab a pillow and scream into it. Then I walk into my room and just throw everything on the floor. I rip down all of the photos on our wall, push all of the ornaments off of the side and pull all of the drawers out, all the while screaming as if my life depended on it. And the rampage doesn't stop there. Soon enough, I've pulled all of the pictures off the walls, all of the cushions off the sofas and all of the ornament off of the Dinner table. My throat is beginning to get sore, so I got and pour myself a glass of water, but that ends up being thrown across the room. As I go to clear it up, I cut my arm on the jagged glass. Instead of cleaning it, though, I just sit there and stare it it. Sitting, and staring, until I fall asleep.

*2 hours later*  
I had a very restless sleep. I dreamt that I couldn't breathe, but neither Lexi or Dan were there to help me. As I remember this mornings events, I begin to cry again. I'm interrupted by someone walking into my house.  
'Phil! It's us!' Carrie and Alex. Great. The birth parents of my daughter who's been taken away. I try to shout 'out here' but it just comes out as a slur. I hear the crunching of glass beneath feet.  
'What the hell happened out- PHIL!' Alex shouts and runs over to me.  
'What did you do?!'  
'Alexa- Alexa doesn't remember me- and then the- the social worker came and- and said that I was neg- neglecting her and is tak-taking her away!' I cry again, blubbing like a baby. I feel two pairs of arms round my neck and I fidget, trying to get comfortable.  
'Oh my god! Does Dan know?!' I see Carries eyes well up too.  
'No, he will hate me! He's going to leave me! He'll want a divorce!' I. Sob into my hands.  
'Well first lets get you and the house cleaned up. What happened?' I sigh  
'I got so angry that I just broke everything. I was trying to clean it up, but I cut my arm' they both stand up.  
'Well then we will clean up for you. Just go and sort your arm out!' I go into the bathroom and clean my arm, my hands shaking, tears still falling from my eyes.

After everything is clean, Carrie grabs my iPad.  
'You need to tell Dan' I shake my head.  
'I can't! He'll divorce me! He'll hate me!'  
'Oh, and you'd rather he just came back and you were like 'oh yeah, we lost our daughter' would you?' I hate to admit it but Alex is right. I click the call button on Skype. He promised he would always be online. He picks up, and by the looks of it he's only just woken up.  
'Hi honey, sorry I woke you but this is really important' Dan rubs his eyes.  
'It's okay baby. How's Alexa? Have you been crying?!' I nod.  
'Thats what I wanted to talk to you about. She had some more problems with the people at school and was put in hospital. A social worker came and told me she has depression, and she-' I can't get through it without bursting into tears.  
'What? What happened? Phil you're really scaring me' I sigh  
'She took Lexi away from us!' I burst into fits of tears, and Carrie puts her arm round me.  
'She what?! Phil! I knew I shouldn't have left! I shouldn't have left you alone with her! How can I ever trust you to do anything?! I shouldn't trust you! And I won't! Phil! This isn't just a woops moment, you just lost us our DAUGHTER! I'm LIVID! And to be honest, I don't really want to speak to you at the moment' a tear rolls down my cheek, and Carrie strokes my arm.  
'Who the hell is that?!' He asks rudely.  
'It's Carrie! She-'  
'So she came all the way down from London?! Just because I'm not here doesn't mean you can have a little fuck party!' Carries face changes from sympathy to guilt.  
'No! I came down because-'  
'I don't want to hear it! Happy fucking' then he hangs up. Right at that moment Alex walks in.  
'What happened?' He smiles lightly.  
'Well he hates me and he thinks I'm having an affair with Carrie' I put my thumb up sarcastically.  
'Great' then I collapse backwards and sob again. I hear a Skype message.

-I've been cheated on before. I don't want to hear your excuses.  
I'm coming home, I'm packing my stuff, and I'm leaving-

Great.  
My life gets better by the minute.

**Hope you enjoyeD! And I hope this chapter made sense! If not, it will in the next chapter hopefully! I tried to get enough emotion in there but it's really hard!**

**Anyway, review for an invisible Dan and Phil!**

**Love always,**

**~Georgie'xo'**


	7. NOT AN UPDATE

**Hi guys! As you can see this is not an actual chapter. I'm really struggling with my stories right now. Like, I keep coming up with really good ideas for fanfictions, but can never seem to finish them. Not my ones anyway. I have a whole notepad with about 4 chapters of a fanfic but I don't want to publish it until I have finished Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder but I can't seem to get the right words. I know exactly where the story is going and I have been trying but I'm never fully happy with it. I think I'm beginning to lose interest - not because I don't like writing, but because this story has gone on over the past few months and it's getting too long, plus I know what I want to happen but it would need a few chapters still. So now it's up to you guys,**

**Either I go on a small hiatus - not for too long - until I feel a bit more enthusiastic,**

**Or I shorten the chapters and speed up the pace so that I can work on other fics.**

Like I said, I'm not getting bored with writing, literally just with the story. It's not even boredom, it's just a small loss of interest.

Love always,

**Georgie'xo**


	8. Chapter 7

*Phil POV*  
I don't know how long it's been. I forgot all concept of time since Dan left. I distinctly remember a significant amount of time ago he collected his stuff and left. The only words shared were 'where are my hair straighteners?'  
'On the counter'  
That's it. That was about a month ago, although I can't be sure. I disabled all the clocks. Time shouldn't go on without Dan or Alexa. I go onto the balcony and stare at the people living there lives normally. I wish I could, but nothing can go on without the two people who mean more to me than life itself. I judge the height. It looks high enough.  
Over the last however long I've been not going to work, just drowning my sorrows in alcohol. In fact, I've drank enough alcohol in the past couple of months that I could have made a liquor store. I'm quite intoxicated now to be honest. One slight move and I could be free. Free of all life itself. I just need to hoist my leg up and-  
'PHILLIP MICHAEL LESTER WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!' Great. Chris chooses the perfect moments to show up. He moved to Swindon with PJ at the same time we did.  
'Chriiiiiiiis. How luuuurvely of you to show uuuup' I slur sarcastically.  
'I think that's enough of that now Phil' he tries to grab at the bottle I'm holding, but I pull it away.  
'Goooo awaaaaayyyyy, I'm a forty one year old maaaan, I can do what I liiiike' he stares at me, ashamed.  
'I think you need to go to AA. This is getting ridiculous!' He reaches again for the bottle but I throw it to the other side of the wall.  
The glass smashes and glitters the floor, and the brown liquid slides down the wall, forming a small puddle. Then I break down, crying, snivelling and a mess. Chris puts his arm round me.  
'Chris, why should I sort it out. My world doesn't turn without the two most beautiful people in the world' he rubs my back calmly.  
'Shhh Phil. It's okay. It'll be okay' I cry into his chest, soft sobs, tears making a wet patch in his shirt.  
'I love them! Chris I love them! So much Chris! I don't want life without them! I can't! I can't! I CAN'T! I canticanticanticanticant' I repeat those two words softly into Chris' chest while he rubs on my back.  
'I'm sure they'll come back. But tomorrow, I want you up bright and early, and I'm taking you to AA. And I have a spare key so don't think that just not answering the door will get you out of it. It's now...where are all your clocks?' I look around pointlessly.  
'Turned 'em all off' I shrug.  
'Why did you- anyway, what about your phone?' I shrug again.  
'I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I haven't charged it in like, what, a month' I try to stand up but I fall onto the floor.  
'Jesus Christ Phil, how much have you drunk' I point to a couple of empty bottles on the floor.  
'Just today! Jesus! And what if Dan tried to call you? Huh? What if the social worker tries to phone you? Where is your phone?' I gesture lazily to my bedroom. He walks in, grabs my phone and charger and plugs it in by the sofa.  
'There, now leave that on. It's now about 8:30, I want you to go to bed, get a good nights sleep and I'm going to pick you up at Eight. The nearest AA that I know of is in Bristol so it's a long drive. Ill phone and book you in' I look at Chris. He's being so helpful. I never noticed how attractive this guy really was. I don't know whether it's the sheer volume of alcohol I have consumed in the past few hours or whether I'm genuinely attracted to Chris, but next thing I know, I am leaning forward and trying to kiss him. he pulls away.  
'May I remind you of 3 things.  
A) you're so pissed right now that this would be a mistake and you would regret it  
B) the divorce isn't final, you're still married remember  
And c) I'm happily married Phil. Now I'm leaving, so you don't try to do it again. Have a good sleep.' And with that? He gets up and he's out. My phone vibrates from the sofa next to me, indicating that it's beginning to switch on, but I just fall sideways and almost immediately fall asleep.

The next morning I woke up and my head was pounding. You get used to it after a month or so. I check my phone which has 23 new messages from Carrie and a couple from Chris. I check the texts from Carrie. I delete the conversation and move onto Chris' texts. They both say are you up yet. I text back a quick yes and pull on some jeans and a checkered shirt. I don't bother with breakfast, I don't have any food in. Then the door knocks.

'Hiya Phil!' Chris smiles as I opens the door.  
'Ugh come on then let's get this over with' i grab my coat and phone.  
'You not gonna offer me a drink or food?'  
'Unless you want a glass of vodka and a plate of babybells, then we will get food on the way' I put my wallet into my pocket and leave. The drive to Tesco was quick, and Chris bought breakfast for the both of us. We then jumped back in the car and braced ourselves for the long drive to Bristol.

After an hour of laughing on Chris' part and grunting on my part, i sit up.  
'Chris, it's Christmas in 3 weeks. Do you think I'll be able to see Lexi?' Chris sighs softly.  
'I don't know Phil. Probably!' I smile, thinking about the chance of getting to see my beautiful daughter again. That's all I can think about for the whole drive, and it surprises me when Chris pulls up and shouts 'we're here!'  
I slide out of my seat and slam the door. The huge doors into the building look scary and intimidating, and they at stiff to open as i push it. The woman at the front desk stops typing and looks at me over her glasses.  
'Can I...help you?' She says snootily.  
'Hi, uh...Phillip Lester?' She types something into her computer, and Chris joins me.  
'Oh yes, the meeting is just through there' she points through a door and smiles wryly, but quite clearly judging me.  
'Ill be out here waiting, or possibly in a shop. Give me a bell when you're done' Chris smiles and trots away to his car. I shuffle my feet into the hall where there are 3 men and 1 woman sat. I took a seat next to a very pale, ginger guy. As he smiled I noticed he had a gap in his teeth.  
'You look relatively normal, so what are you doing here?' I smile back, a little less enthusiastically.  
'Alcoholic. Cliché I know. What about you?' He winks at me.  
'Sex addict' I laugh. 'Its a serious issue you know'  
'Oh I'm- I'm fully aware of- of how serious it- it is' I choke out between laughs. He laughs back and then a guy walked in and shushed us all.  
'I'm Jack and I will be the leader of your meeting today. Now I want us to go in a circle and tell about our addiction and why it happened. Lets start here' he flicked his brown and blonde hair and pointed to the one woman. She stood up and tucked her light brown hair behind her ear. She looked very sweet and innocent.  
'I'm Heather and ever since I was 17 I have been addicted to hurting other people. When I was 17 someone called me some very horrible names and I lost it' everybody looked at her, shocked. She can't have been any older than 19. The circle went round. There was a tobacco addict, another alcoholic and my friend the sex addict. Then it was my turn to stand up.  
'Uh, I'm Phil Lester and I'm an alcoholic. Basically I was married with a child, then my husband went away for work and our daughter was bullied, and she got a rock thrown at her. She lost her memory, and the social workers took her away because I hadn't noticed her self harming and they said I was neglecting her' I felt my eyes begin to mist up and I sat down before I started to cry.

The next hour was boring, just chatting about our problems and reading through leaflets to help get over it.  
'Right, that's it. I'll see you next week hopefully, If not, good luck!' Jack wished us farewell and we all left. Just as I was about to leave someone tapped me on the shoulder. I spun round, and the ginger guy, who I'd found out his name was Gerard, was staring at me intently.  
'Is your husband by any chance Dan Howells?'  
'Yes?' I say more like a question.  
'Well, I'm an old friend of his from school, he lived with me' he paused  
'He really misses you, Phil'

**I'm quite pleased with this chapter to be perfectly honest! I'm going on a really long car drive tomorrow so hopefully I can at least start the next chapter! Hope you enjoyed this, leave a review or pm me if you have any ideas for what I could do, only sub stories though! The main story is already in my head ^_***

**Stay awesome,**

**R&R for free socks! **

**Love always, **

**Georgie'xo**


	9. Chapter 8

*Phil POV*  
'He really misses you, Phil' my mouth turns into a perfect O shape.  
'He- he what?' Gerard pats my back.  
'Look, I live five minutes away, and I'm sure he'd love to see you!' I pull my phone out of my pocket at pick Chris' contact.  
'Lemme just give my friend a call, he's got the car, obviously we're not local' he nods.  
'Hi, Chris! Oh, you're outside? Right, great!' I hang up and Gerard looks at me.  
'Mind if I hitch a ride? I walked here so...' I nod happily and he follows me to Chris' blue Gulf.  
'Chris, this is Gerard. Mind if you take us to his house? You'll find out why'  
'Of course!' Chris smiles happily, that's one great thing about him. He doesn't mind doing things for other people. Gerard gives directions to his house which was literally two minutes away.

As we walk inside, I am greeted by a wonderful smell, which I can only recognise as Dans stir fry.  
'Dan, got enough dinner for another couple of people?' Gerard shouts, throwing his coat on the sofa.  
'Yeah sure! Who's-' he walks out the kitchen an pauses on the spot. Then he places the wok he's holding on the table and starts to walk towards me, dodging the chairs as he did. His expression was unreadable. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch up into a smile, and I opened my arms for the hug that I thought was about to come. But no, all I got was the impact of his fist on my face. I groan loudly and fall to the floor, clutching my cheek.  
'What the fuck are you doing?!' Gerard shouts.  
'Me?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN' He points his finger accusingly at Gerard.  
'But you were acting really upset! I just thought-' Dan scoffed.  
'You THOUGHT?! You always just THINK, look where that got you. 'Oh, I think I might try having sex' and now look where you are!' I stand up and take a step back. Dan lunges forward towards Gerard and we both gasp, but that's when Chris grabs his arms and pulls him back.  
'Let me go, Kendall!'  
'Or what, Howell?' Dan drops his arms. He knows better than to argue with Chris, I mean, look where that got me! I dare myself to look at Dans face. His cheeks are red with anger, and his eyes are misty. He looks like he's about to cry.  
'I want you both out' he says calmly.  
'Dan, let me-' he points to the door.  
'OUT' I walk towards the door, dragging my feet.  
'When did you become such a dick?' Chris asks Dan, then leaves, not waiting for an answer.  
'Ill drive, Chris' I say and slide into the drivers seat. He doesn't complain, and he slides in next to me. I pull out and drive away silently, not wanting to talk at all

**Super short chapter, I know, and I've written the next one which is also really short, but it's only because I'm leading up to more drama yet To come. Lets just say, you may need some tissues for the next few, okay? Cool! **

**R&R for something cool that I'm too tired to think of. **

**Love always,**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	10. Chapter 9

*Dans POV*

I pick my wok up and slide silently back into the kitchen, kicking the wall as I go. Gerard follows me. He clears his throat in that way that says 'I'm here, talk to me'

'Go away' I say quietly.

'Can I have my dinner first?' I make a point of spitting in the food and stirring it. Disgusting, I know, but he really pissed me off.

'You know, I think I'll just order a pizza' as he leaves, I slide down the wall onto the floor and bury my head in my knees. What am I doing, I do miss Phil! Why did I make him leave, now I have no chance of seeing him! My phone beeps from in my pocket. I pull it out and open the text from Carrie.

[Carrie] -3:59

We've just had a call from social services. They want us to take full custody of Alexa, because she's our daughter, but they want your consent to say that we are fit enough as parents. Expect a call soon, :) xxx

I don't bother replying, I just put my phone in my pocket. Why should I reply?

I finish my tea, and sit on the sofa to watch TV with Gerard.

'Look, I'm sorry for doing that, I was really mad at you for inviting Phil here. What I did to you was uncalled for' I take a big spoonful of Stir Fry.

'And what you did to Phil?' What does he expect me to say?

'Well...I don't know really...' He stares me straight in the eye.

'I want you to call him and apologise. Now' I groan in frustration. I don't want to apologise! But I do need to.

I pull out my phone, and just as I'm about to dial his number, he phones me first.

'Phil, oh I'm so glad you called, I-'

'Dan save it, we've just had a car accident' I hear him crying down the phone, panicking. He doesn't deal well under pressure or stress, I've learned that.

'Calm down Phil. Are we calm? Good, now tell me what's wrong, calmly' I use my voice that always calmed him down before, and it seems to work now.

'Its Chris. He-' he say the last bit in practically a whisper.

'He's not breathing'

**DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN**

**Sorry it took me so long to update, I've actually written the next 4 chapters, but I've been too lazy to update, so be expecting another 4 chapters hopefully by the end of the day.**

**You may need some tissues for the next couple of chapters if you are upset quite easily.**

**(I'm not good at writing sadness though oh)**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**R&R for cuddles from Alex Gaskarth ^_^**

**Love always,**

**~Georgie'xo~**

**P.S: The next few chapters will be quite short, and one of them won't make sense.**

**I've been issued a challenge from my friends to include certain words in my chapters.**

**Sorry!**


	11. Chapter 10

*Phil POV*

I drive slowly down the derelict road. Nobody is on the roads, or coming out of the adjoining roads.

'Phil, lets talk' Chris says. I ignore him. He carries on asking, pleading even, but I continue to ignore him. My knuckles turn white where I've been gripping the steering wheel so hard. His constant begging in my ear is beginning to irritate me, but still I ignore him.

'Come on, we have a 2 hour drive ahead of us, we can't spend it like this' I scoff at him.

'We can try' I say spitefully.

'Look, what happened isn't my fault. I didn't make Dan break up with you. I didn't make you go and visit him. I didn't make him punch you, so why are you punishing me?!' Then what I say next surprises me.

'What the fuck do you know? You've always had love handed to you on a silver platter' I turn to him, and he points at the road.

'Theres nothing coming anyway. Can you stop acting like you know every single thing about my marriage. Don't even-' he points again.

'Phil! Look out!' And I feel it. The impact of the lorry in the side of our little car. It doesn't stand a chance. The car spins over onto its side and Chris' lifeless body falls onto my side.

'Chris? Chris are you okay?' I slap his face. 'CHRIS!'

I pull my phone one.

'What's your emergency?' The calm voice doesn't help me any.

'I- our car- a lorry, and my friend- he's not- I don't know-'

'Calm down sir, it will be okay. Just tell me calmly where you are' I take a deep breath in

'We need an ambulance. We are on the motorway connecting Bristol to Swindon. We were in the car and a lorry pulled out and hit us- my friend isn't breathing' she connects me to the ambulance.

'We need you to check his pulse' I do so.

'Weak'

'Is he injured?'

'His head is bleeding but I've put my jacket on it and I'm putting pressure on it'

'Good, sir. An ambulance is on it's way' I hang up and struggle out of the car. There is a searing pain taking over the lower half of my back, but i limp over to the lorry just over from me. The lorry driver is half way round.

'Im sorry- it was your right of way- I shouldn't have pulled out- I wasn't looking' he chokes out.

'I'm just out here to check that you're not hurt' I say.

'No, I mean, I don't- no I'm not'

'Okay then' I climb back in the car and grab Chris' hand. Before I know what I'm doing, I'm dialling Dans number.

**Told you I had written them!**

**DUN DUN DUUUUUUN AGAIN**

**Not much to say here...**

**R&R FOR INFINITE COOKIE DOUGH ICECREAM BUT NOT REALLY BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TO PROVIDE MYSELF WITH COOKIE DOUGH ICECREAM OH**

**Love always**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	12. Chapter 11

*Carrie POV, 1 week later*

'Phil? Phil calm down!' He's crying down the phone, something about a hospital, and Chris, and a coma.  
'Carrie, Carrie it's my- my- I - what have I -' he's in hysterics, whatever happened must have been bad.  
'PHIL! Who are you with?'  
'P- Peej, but he's, he's worse than, you speak to, I'll pass you- nurse' he passes the phone over to a nurse.  
'Hello? Are you a friend of Mr Kendalls?' I say yes.  
'What- Phil hasn't cried like that in like 15 years- I'm worried! What happened?' I breathe in, calming myself down.  
'Well, about a week ago, Mr. Kendall and Mr. Lester were in a car accident. Mr. Lester suffered with only a fractured tailbone and is recovering as we speak. However... Mr. Kendall was put into quite a serious coma. We've had him under observation to watch his progression for the past week. But, due to his cardiovascular system being put under heavy stress and the blunt-force trauma to the cranium, Mr. Kendall's condition deteriorated rapidly. This morning, he unfortunately passed. We are very sorry for your loss'  
my breath hitches in my throat, but I try my hardest not to cry.  
'Okay, thank you very much for letting me know. Can you tell Phil- Mr Lester- that my husband and I will come to Swindon to visit him this weekend?' She agrees and hangs up.  
'Alex, honey?' I shout, my voice wavering.  
'Yes?' He appears from the kitchen, holding a glass of water.  
'I've just had a phone call from Phil-' I begin to cry. He puts his glass on the table.  
'Carrie honey, what's wrong? What happened to Phil?' Tears pour down my face and I sob. I blubber like a little baby.  
'It's Chris! He-' I can't manage to get the words out. My throat burns from sobbing, my nose runs down my face and my eyes are streaming, so much so that I have to shut them.  
'What? Honey, it's okay! Just stay calm' I stand up.  
'I'm trying to stay calm! One of my best friends just /died/ Alex!' Then I run to our bedroom and slam the door.

*Alexa POV*  
Me and my best friend walk home together every single day. We have done for the 3 months that I've been at that school. Today is no exception. We are deep in conversation about our favourite book. Both of our favourite authors is a man called Daniel Howell. Well, he used to be Lester, but he and his husband split up about 3 months ago. It's quite sad really, he was in a happy marriage with a daughter called Alexa, same as my name! But he recently told the Internet that he had split up with his husband and his daughter was taken away. I tried to find a picture of his daughter, but apparently he wanted to keep her a secret or something.  
'If only Dan wasn't so much older. I know he'd wanna get with this!' She flips her curly red hair over her shoulder in a mock diva fashion. I push her shoulder. Why does this feel so wrong? We arrive at my house.  
'Seeya tomorrow, Cherry!' I smile and wave, and enter my home. I'm instantly greeted with my mum crying on the sofa, and my dad consoling her.  
'Mum? What's wrong?' My dad looks at me, silently telling me not to say anything.  
'Just go upstairs, Lex. She'll be fine' I do as I'm told and go up to my room. I receive a text from my friend, Cherry.

[Cherry] -15:37pm  
Fancy coming to the park?

I tap a quick text back.

[Lexi] -15:38pm  
Love to! Just gonna get changed!

I pull my red jeans and t-shirt out of my wardrobe. Then I remember the shirt Cherry gave me when it didn't fit her. I folded it and put it at the back of my wardrobe. I feel around and try to find it, but my hand finds a brown box that I don't recognise. I open it and find the most awesome black and white hi-tops that I don't remember getting. Taped to the top of the box is a note and a picture.  
'Hope you like the trainers I bought for you! Love daddy h x' daddy h? I look at the picture. It's me with two men. The man that was crying in my room, and someone else. Someone that I know. Someone that I love. Daniel Howell. And it looks like a picture taken this year. Both men are holding hands, and Dan has his arm around me. I put the trainers on and run down the stairs, pocketing the picture.  
'I'm going to the park, seeya later, bye' I shout and run to the park.  
'Hey Lexi, nice trainers' Cherry smiles.  
'Hi, thanks. Now you know Dan? Dan Howell?'  
'Well duh'  
'I just found this picture in my room, but I don't remember it being taken, and I'm really confused' I hand her the picture and she gasps.  
'You met him?!'  
'Clearly, but I don't remember it!' She stares at me, flabbergasted.  
'How could you not remember? That's despicable!'  
'Despicable? That word is a bit extravagant for you isn't it?'  
'Shosh your mosh' I laugh and push her playfully in the arm.  
'Seriously though, how could you not remember?'  
'I dunno!' My phone goes off in my pocket.

[Dad] -4:30pm  
Come home now squidge, time for tea!

I say my goodbyes to Cherry and run home.  
When I get home mum has stopped crying, but she still looks sad.  
'Right, tomorrow we have to go to the doctors. You're getting your swine flu vaccination. We're having macaroni cheese for tea' I groan.  
'Why do I have to have the vaccination?! I hate needles'  
Dad rolls his eyes at me.  
'You have to, now here's your dinner. It's mozzarella, your favourite' I take an exaggerated breath in to intensify my annoyance.  
'I have a question' both of my parents look up.  
'When was this from' I hand them the picture and they gasp.  
'Uh- uh- I mean- uhm' I look at them, expectantly.  
'We're going to London tomorrow evening' my dad says quickly.  
'I want to know about this picture!' I practically shout.  
'Right, if you're going to shout then you can finish your tea in your room' I do so. Then I spend the next few hours trying to remember the tiniest bit of information, but My mind is completely blank. By 9:30 I just give up, and go to bed.

At about 10, my mum came up.  
'Look, Lexi. About this picture. You probably won't believe me if I told you this, but I'm going to anyway. Eleven years ago, your dad and I had you, but we weren't ready. Our friends, Dan,' she points at Dan, 'and Phil, she points at the other guy, 'adopted you from us, because we didn't want to lose you forever. A few months go, you were being bullied, and you got a giant rock thrown at your head, which is why you don't remember them. I can't tell you why you remember us, because you'd never met us before then' I stare on in disbelief.  
'You're- you're lying!'  
'No Lex, I'm not' I stare at her.  
'I need- I need sleep mum- goodnight' I lightly kick her off of my bed and lie back onto my pillow. What just happened?

**Longer one this time! Okay, so this one was the one that I had to start using random words. I think I pulled it off pretty well? The words I had to use were:**  
**Despicable**  
**Extravagant**  
**Mosh**  
**Squidge**  
**Vaccination**  
**Mozzarella**  
**Intensify**

**So I did say I couldn't write sadness. Sorry! Don't hate me PLEASE GRJBEWKFNCWVF**

**R&R for gummy bear kisses :)**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	13. Chapter 12

*Alexa POV; Midnight*

Flashes of the past shoot through my brain, swerving in and out of my mind. My body is stiff and unmoving, my fists clenching and Unclenching. My 9th birthday. A bouncy castle. A tall man with black hair and mismatched socks, bouncing and laughing. He was holding my hands.

'This is so much fun! Thanks dad'

'Happy birthday sweety!'

Christmas 2027. I was 10. I ripped open the stripy wrapping paper to reveal my first proper laptop. I was so excited that I fell down the stairs and hit my head.

'Oh God are you alright honey?!' Another man. Taller this time, with brown hair and an earring. Dan Howell, my favourite author, my dad.

A Chinese restaurant.

'I have to work in America for two months'

The next day. I fought with my best friends. Then two weeks later. Oh, the awful memory is flooding back. The punches, the kicks. The slaps. The groaning. The excruciating pain in my stomach. Then the next day. The glass coming towards my eye. Then the rock. The rock that made me forget. The rock that made me pass out. The rock that ruined two grown men's lives. Being ushered away by a lady in a very unflattering pantsuit. Living in a big house with loads of chavvy kids who thought smoking was cool. Then being in custody of Carrie and Alex. My birth parent. The parents who I thought I'd been brought up by. But I haven't. I'd been brought up by Phillip Michael Lester, a tall man with a childish personality and a face that makes you automatically trust him, and Daniel James Howell, a man taller still, with a hasty personality and an unhealthy obsession with keeping his hair pristine. My dads. My two gay dads and our slightly dysfunctional family. Before I know it, it's morning. I rip the bed covers off and run to the bathroom. Immediately sliding down the wall, I cry. What have I done?

'Lex?' A small tap on the door. 'Lex, are you okay?'

'No' I reply simply.

'Whats up?' My dad taps on the door, telling me to let him in.

'I want mum' dad sighs.

'Shes gone to London, and we're going up there after school' I unlock the door.

'I want my dad' I say quietly. He shifts from foot to foot.

'Im your dad, silly!'

'No! The dads that have brought me up for the last 11 years because YOU didn't want me!' My voice raises. He gasps.

'Where has all this come from?'

'I want to go home. I want to go to my dads'

'Well you can't! They're in London! Now get ready for school, and I don't want to hear another word about this okay?'

*3 hours later*

I haven't been able to think straight all day. I've been crying on and off, and I won't talk to anyone. My friends are keeping their distance, which I'm glad about. I'm just sitting in the far corner of the library, reading a book from 20 years ago, called the Hunger Games. I found it in my dads room, and he told me that it was his favourite book when he was 25. I've read it loads, all three of them, yet I still can't stop. I put it down when I'm aware of a presence above me.

'Why've you been crying?! Finally been kicked out because your parents found out how much of a LESBIAN you are?!' I feel my fists curl into a ball, but then I let go after I remembered what happened last time I got into a fight.

'Stupid twat. Doesn't even look like you have eyebrows. They look ginger. You know what they say about gingers? Wait, I learned a word the other day...what was it? Epalperate! Your an epalperate transvestite!' I can't really blame the kid, he doesn't really know what he's saying. He has autism, so that's why I don't get overly offended by what he's saying. I do stick up for him sometimes, when people call him things like 'retard' but he barely ever remembers what he's said. It's sad really, the amount of people that make fun of him for something that he can't control.

Then again, didn't I get bullied for having gay parents? I still can't get my head around that. How could I have possibly forgotten something that impacted my life so much?

The rest of the day dragged on slowly, my thoughts consumed by memories that I should never have forgotten. What happened to me? Why did I forget this?

[Dad]-2:34pm

We're in London for the weekend. If you want to bring a friend, you can. Just remember, I don't want you even mentioning your dads okay? All will be clear later on.

I stand up and walk over to Cherry, who is writing something on a piece of paper.

'Hi! Sorry that I haven't really been talking, I've been a bit...distracted. Anyway, do you fancy coming to London with me this weekend?' She smiles.

'Oh it's okay hun, yeah I'd love to! Let me ask my mum quickly!' She types something in on her phone.

'So why were you crying?' She asks me, concerned.

'Ill explain later' I give her a quick hug then go back to my seat. About 5 minutes later she puts her thumbs up at me. Good, ill have moral support.

**Okay so that Alex bloke is a bit of a dick isn't he?**

**The words I had to use in this one were:**

**Lesbian**

**Epalperate (However you spell it)**

**Transvestite**

**Autism**

**R&R For Phil hugs^_^**

**Love always**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	14. Chapter 13

*Phil POV*  
It's been two days since Chris died. I still haven't drank. I haven't eaten much either. I can't. My best friend died, how can I? Carrie is here, trying to force me to eat, but I can't. Alex and Lexi are on their way. I don't want to see Lexi. She reminds me to much of Dan. But they're about 10 minutes away. It's too late.

*Alexa POV*  
We've been in the car for about 2 hours, my dad, Cherry and I. I've been putting on a brave face, pretending that I'm not dreading what my dads gonna say to me when we're alone.  
'We're here' we pull into a parking space and get out. We walk towards a familiar building. A building I've seen in. One that I've lived in for 11 years. More memories come flooding back. I grip Cherrys hand, and she flashes me a strange look. I don't look at her, I just stare at the front door.  
'Dad, why are we here?' I ask quietly.  
'Just shush. What did I say to you?' We walk in the front door an into the living room. Sat on the sofa is a crying, snivelling man, my dad, being consoled by my mum. Suddenly, I forget to care about my mum, or my dad, or even Cherry. I run for the sofa.  
'Dad!' I shout, pulling my dad into the tightest hug I can. My real dad glares at me, and Cherry and my dad stare at me in confusion, but I ignore it, taking in the smell of lynx chocolate deodorant.  
'What?' Phil- my dad says, pulling away.  
'I remember. I remember everything. I remember the last few months. I remember before that. I remember being raised by you and Dad!' He smiles brightly, but it soon falters and he cries again.  
'What did I tell you?' My real dad hisses in my ear.  
'Just go upstairs' my mum says, coldly. I don't understand, my parents didn't want me eleven years ago, so they should be thrilled. Shouldn't they?

*Dan POV*  
'Look, Gerard, I have to go to Swindon. I'll be back in about 2 weeks. I need to sort out my best friends funeral and see my daughter' Gerard laughs.  
'Your daughter doesn't even know who you are. You know, people always say that having children is a miracle, but I always thought it was another STD. You know, like baby aids or something. You've just proven that' I ball my fists to stop from punching him, but instead I grabbed my bag and left. I got into the car and drove away, trying not to cry. I've been staying strong since Chris died, I don't want anyone to know that I cried. I have to go and help PJ and Phil plan the funeral. It'll be the first time I'm actually seeing Phil since I punched him. I know that PJ will be in a state, and Carrie, Alex and Phil will be trying all they can to stop him from jumping from the highest building he can find. I can almost see the scene. But I can't picture that, because if I do, I will cry right in this car. I click the cd button on my car and listen to a band I liked years ago. Before I know it, I'm pulling into a parking space outside the house that I lived in months ago. When I walk in I'm not greeted by the sight that I thought. PJ was nowhere to be seen, Phil was crying on the sofa and Alex and Carrie were arguing.  
'Guys, where- GUYS' I shout, and everyone looks at me.  
'Where is PJ and why are you guys arguing?' Alex and Carrie look at me guiltily.  
'PJ is at his place...on his...own' Carrie and Alex look at each other then leave the house. They don't need to tell me where they're going.  
'Now Phil, I want you to calm down okay?' I sit beside him in the soda. Even though I'm supposed to hate him, a part of me hates seeing him upset. I put my hand on his shoulder.  
'Calm down okay? Now where's Alexa?' He points to the stairs.  
'Shes- she's up- but she- she remembers us, Dan- I don't want to- tell her about Chris-'  
'What? She remembers us? Phil this is amazing! Lexi? Lexi!' I shout up the stairs. I hear the door open and 'stay here' in a hushed whisper, then a pain of feet padding down the stairs.  
'Dad' she said quietly 'I want to come home. My parents don't want me, but you guys do. Don't you?' It breaks my heart to see her like this.  
'Thing is, Phil and I- we're not together any more. We can't look after you alone when you have 2 parents who can' her face drops.  
'You guys don't want me either, do you? I am SICK of being unwanted! That's what got us here in the first place, isn't it?! My friends not wanting me? Cherry! CHERRY! We're going out!' Someone else runs down the stairs and runs straight past me without even a second look, and the two girls leave the house,  
Slamming the door as they go.

*Alexa POV*  
Cherry and I walk down the road, not really sure on where we're going. I'm still adjusting.  
'Where are we going, Lexi?' I shrug.  
'God knows. I just wanted to get aw-' I stop in my tracks. Somehow I've walked us face to face with Leigh-Anne Pinnock. The girl who threw a rock and ruined my life.  
'Alexa!' She says, surprised.  
'Hi Leigh-Anne' she points to my head  
'Got a hair cut? It looks...nice' Cherry nudges me.  
'How do you know her?'  
'Ill explain later, so Leigh-Anne, how are Zoe and Paige?' She sighs and walks closer to me. She lifts her sleeve and I see familiar cuts and scratches. The same ones that I had all those months ago.  
'Im you now' she says sadly. 'They found out that I told' I don't know why but this statement makes me so mad.  
'I'd better get back home. My mum isn't in so I have a list of things to do' I look at her. She's tall, tan and pretty. Why would anyone hate her?  
'We'll help if you like?' I look at Cherry, and she nods slightly.  
'Are you sure? Why don't you hate me? I mean, you have every reason to, I could have killed you!' I shrug.  
'Im not one to hold a grudge' Cherry and I follow her to her house. When we're inside, Cherry nudges me again.  
'Oh, I saw that Dan and Phil broke up. You okay? And why did you leave Swindon? You must be pretty tore up about the divorce!' Cherry nudges me one more time.  
'Oh right, Cherry, Leigh-Anne, Leigh-Anne, Cherry!' They shake hands.  
'I love your hair Cherry! Bright red wouldn't suit me' Cherry smiles.  
'Im sure it would! You'd look lovely! Now Lexi, explain to me why you dragged me from London and how you know people who live here?' So I explain everything. To both of them, because Leigh-Anne still doesn't know about me losing my memory. After the whole explaining thing, they both look at me in shock.  
'Lexi- I didn't realise I'd cause that much damage, I mean, it's my fault! I broke up your parents!' She wails.  
'Your adopted parents are my favourite author and his husband?' I stare at Cherry.  
'Bit insensitive. Now, I can't explain to you why we're in London. Sorry' Leigh-Anne's phone buzzes. She stares at it and frowns, before showing me the screen.

[Zoe]-6:37pm  
Come to the park, we've got a...surprise for you!

'Ill just stay here and not move. They'll give up' I shake my head.  
'No, we're going. Come on' her eyes widen to the size of saucers.  
'Are you crazy? Are you trying to get me killed?' I smile.  
'If you were surprised to see me, imagine them! Plus, Cherry and I do karate, they do their nails. You'll be fine' I look over at Cherry.  
'If these are the girls that bullied you then I'm in' we leave and make for the park, Leigh-Anne and Cherry in front, me hiding behind.  
'Finally dug yourself up a friend, did you? She's pretty! Where did you get her? Dogs trust or straight from the RSPCA?' I see Cherrys fists ball up, so I nudge her slightly. I know what she's like when she's angry.  
'I've got someone you might like to see. A...friend of mine' Cherry and Leigh-Anne part like the Red Sea.  
'Hi guys, miss me?' I laugh at the horrified looks on Zoe and Paige's faces.  
'Oh, and I'm from Dogs trust by the way' Cherry smiles smugly at the girls. 'Lexi has told me so much about you! Which one is the natural brunette who bleaches her hair and pretends to be pretty, and which one is the natural blonde who practically paints on her eyebrows?' She pretends to take a closer look. 'Never mind. I got it' I laugh, but Leigh-Anne just stands there, looking mortified.  
'Hey, I like the colour of your nails! Red looks good on you, Zoe! Really brings out your inner Satan!' I say, giggling. I look over Paige's shoulder and see my old tutor about 3 metres away.  
'Oh and Paige! How's Mr Cutforth? Still as 'hot' as you always thought he was?'  
'Yeah, how is my crush on Mr Cutforth an insult to me?' Leigh-Anne and I giggle.  
'Paige? Is this true?' Mr Cutforth says. Leigh-Anne and I are in fits by this time. I see Paige's cheeks go red. She runs away and Zoe follows.  
'Oh Luke, how absolutely perfect that you were there at that exact time!' I say between laughs.  
'What makes you think you can call me Luke?' He says to me in a mock serious tone.  
'Well, I live in London and go to school in London, therefore you're not my tutor any more. Thus, I can call you whatever I want' he laughs at me.  
'Whatever, Lexi. Just...stay out of trouble! Bye girls!' He walks away, and we all fall Down, giggling girlishly. I look at my watch.  
'Its been an hour, Phil and Dan will be worrying. We'd better get back' Leigh-Anne nods.  
'Hey, and thank you! Bye' Cherry and I walk off.  
'Oh and Cherry, promise you won't have a fangirl attack when we walk in, okay?'  
'I can't promise!' We both laugh and walk back home arm in arm.

**I don't know why this chapter was so hard to write! I don't feel like it was very good, but I worked really hard on it! So enjoy it:P**

**R&R for Hayley Willams' face. That shit is beautiful.**

**Love Always**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	15. Chapter 14

*Third Person POV*

Dan and Phil sat awkwardly together on the sofa. Phil was still crying, and Dan was still trying not to. Who can blame Phil, really? His best friend had just died, and the guilt was eating away at him. No matter how much everyone told him it wasn't, he still felt like it was his fault. He was driving the car, wasn't he?  
'Come on, Phil. Just, stop crying. Crying isn't going to bring Chris back, is it?' Dan used his most soothing voice, and it seemed to work. Phil reached up to wipe his tears away, and Dan moved a bit closer.  
'That's it, well done' He smiled, his one dimple prominent on his tan skin. He turned his face for a second, and locked eyes with Phil. Oh, those eyes. Dan missed him, that was no lie, and just this scene made him want Phil even more. He began to lean in, and Phil was doing the same. Their lips collided in a mix of emotions. But then Phil pushed Dan away.  
'No! I came to you to try and get back together, and you punched me in the face! You can't just kiss me and everything's better! I love you, Dan. But to you, I'm just a ragdoll. I'm a human being, just like you. The only difference being that _**I actually have**__**emotions!**_' Phil stood up and went upstairs. Dan jumped as he heard the bedroom door slam. This time, he wasn't afraid to let his emotions out. Tears dripped down his cheeks. He did love Phil. He slumped back, sighing as he went. The front door opens.  
'Lexi? Is that you?' Dan shouts. She and her friend walk into the living room. Her friend looks immensely awkward.  
'Dan, Cherry, Cherry, Dan' Dan smiles.  
'Hi Cherry!' She gives him a little awkward wave and runs towards the stairs.  
'Whats up with her?'  
'I told her about the last few months. But it just so happens that she reads your books. What are the odds, eh? Anyway, I'm going upstairs. You probably don't want me here with you' She walks towards the stairs, but Dan jumps up and grabs her arm.  
'Alexa, listen. It's not that I don't want you, believe me, I do! It's just that...well, the Social Worker won't let you be brought up by a single parent, when you have a house with two parents that love you' She scoffs.  
'They don't love me. Isn't that why you adopted me in the first place? Because /they/ didn't want me?' Dan sighs.  
'They want you now. Anyway, where have you been?'  
'With...Leigh-Anne. She feels really guilty, because she thinks it's her fault that you and da- Phil broke up' The front door opens again, and into the living room comes Alex and Carrie with their arms round a crying PJ.  
'Just in time, apparently' Dan says, acknowledging the full pill bottle that PJ is holding. He drops it, his hands shaking. He's in a worse state than Phil was, his nose running and his eyes streaming rivers. Alex and Carrie lead him to the sofa, where he just flops down and starts sobbing.  
'Okay, now why is PJ crying? Can someone explain?' PJ looks up at the mention of his name.  
'No-nobo-nobody to-told you?' He asks between sobs. Alexa shakes her head.  
'Remember Chris? He- uh. He died' Dan says quietly, but PJ still hears, and he wails.  
'Wh-what?' She feels her body start to turn to jelly. Chris Kendall, the man who made Lexi laugh more than anyone. The man who looked after her when Dan and Phil were out. The man who took her to the zoo and bought her the biggest sherbet stick ever. Tears begin to roll down her face and she runs up into her bedroom.

*Dan POV*

10 minutes later, there is a knock at the door. I get up to open it, and in the doorway stands a tall girl with dark hair.  
'Leigh-Anne? What are you doing here?' I remember her from a few months before. It's all I can do not to slam the door in her face. I mean, she did practically ruin my life, even if she does feel guilty.  
'I know you probably hate me, and you never want me to speak to you again, and I understand. Of course I do, but it took a lot of courage for me to come here, and I was wondering if you would be so kind as to let me speak to you and Phil?' I consider it for a second, before moving my body to let her in.  
'Could you go into the kitchen? I'll get Phil' She does as I say and I shout up for Phil to come down. The bedroom door opens and he comes down, his face red, his eyes puffy from crying.  
'What?' he says, like a stroppy teenager.  
'Come with me' He follows me into the kitchen, but as soon as he sees Leigh-Anne, his fists clench and he turns back around.  
'No, Phil. She wants to speak to us, just listen, please' He turns around, but doesn't walk any closer to her.  
'Okay, so talk' she takes a deep breath.  
'Okay, so I am fully aware of the damage I caused to Alexa. I wasn't until today, when I bumped into her. She explained everything, except how you two broke up. Now, I don't know if that's because she doesn't know, or because she didn't want to, but I can't help but feel like it's my fault. I didn't mean to cause any harm at all, let alone break you guys up. I was pressured, I've never hated Alexa. That's why I phoned the hospital, and why I told you when she got beaten up. But Zoe and Paige found out, and now I'm where Alexa was months ago. If I could turn back time, I would. If I could have stopped Zoe and Paige, I would have. Now I know it's too late, and the damage has been done, but I don't want the guilt hanging on my shoulders without a proper apology. So now that I have apologized, you can hate me all you like' Her eyes well up, but she wipes it away. I feel a lump in my throat, so I swallow it away. Phil takes a step closer to Leigh-Anne and puts his hand on her shoulder.  
'Thank you, Leigh-Anne' He says, smiling at her. I do the same. Phil turns to me and I turn to him, and we lock eyes again. Our lips collide again, only this time, he doesn't pull away. Leigh-Anne slides silently out of the kitchen, and my arms wrap around Phils waist. But he pulls away again.  
'No, Dan. I said no' He whispers, and runs out of the kitchen. So close.

**WILL THEY? WON'T THEY? OOOOOOOH!**

**Sorry**

**R&R for a life time supply of skittles**

**Yum**

**Love always,**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	16. Chapter 15

*Phil POV*

It's been a week since Dan kissed me. Christmas is in 4 days, and Chris' funeral is in 6. I'm out shopping, getting last minute presents for people I'd forgotten. I decide I should probably get Dan something, so I decide on a couple of tops from Topman and a pair if Skinny jeans from Primark. Nothing too flash or expensive. I get Alexa some CDs,

a book and some silly little things. I bought Carrie a dress from a website that I think she might like. I sent my mum a handbag, some scarfs and a couple of chick flick dvd's. I got Alex a pair of black and white stripy jeans, a rainbow tshirt and some cologne. For PJ I got a photo album, empty, so he can choose what he wants to put in there, a backpack, a pack of badges, a notepad and some pens. All I need to do now is get something for Lexi to give to her best friend and something for her to give Leigh-Anne, and something for my dad and brother. I decide on some cologne, some headphones and a cd, and for my brother I get some Xbox games. Then I get Lexis friends both some chocolate and some little bits and pieces. It's hard to buy for eleven-year-old girls that you've barely met.

With my bags comfortably in my hands, I make my way to the car. I need to remember to go to the post office later to post presents off. I'm not going to my parents house this year, I have too much to do, what with Chris' funeral. Alexa is staying until school starts up again, but her friend has gone home. She's built up quite a close relationship with Leigh-Anne in the past week, but she still doesn't know that she came and apologised to us last week. Even Dan and I have started to become friends. Not as close as we were all those years ago, granted, but we both decided that its probably better for PJ if we don't fight. He's struggling enough after losing his husband that seeing his two best friends fighting would probably kill him. I get home, and Dan and PJ are playing Xbox. For two thirty eight year old men, they're both really good at Call Of Duty!

'Hi guys! PJ, how are you feeling?' He pauses the game and turns around.

'Fine, really. Like Dan said, crying isn't going to bring Chris back, so what's the point?' I put my thumb up at him.

'Proud of you! Now I have presents to wrap!' I make my way up the stairs, dropping the bag with Alexas friends presents then go to my room with Sellotape and wrapping paper.

After wrapping all the presents, I put the ones I need to under the tree. Then I sit on the sofa to watch PJ and Dan.

'Do you want a go?' Dan asks. I say yes and he hands me the remote. Turns out I'm not very good at Call Of Duty. I hand Dan the remote back and get up to get myself a drink.

*Alexa POV*

I wrap the couple of presents up that I need to, and put them in the bottom of my wardrobe, ready for when I see them again. I have a quick look around the room that I grew up in, opening drawers and cupboards. In one drawer is my old laptop and phone. And that's when I remember my twitter. I open up my laptop and turn on the Internet. I bring up twitter and log in. I have a look at my feed, before clicking on 'create tweet'. I haven't used my account for 3 months. I use my webcam to take a quick picture of myself, and post it with the caption 'back at home for Christmas!'

2 minutes later, I get a reply from JackTheDinosaur. I'm kind of scared to read it. Then suddenly I'm getting loads of mentions. From ZoeTheAmazing, PaigeyWagey and PinnockPineapple. I decide to read them.

' JackTheDinosaur: LittlegirlLexi back in Swindon? U look different...u look rlly nice'

' ZoeTheAmazing: JackTheDinosaur LittlegirlLexi r u kiddin? She looks like more of a slag than she did before'

' PaigeyWagey: ZoeTheAmazing JackTheDinosaur LittlegirlLexi I dint even know tht was possible!'

' PinnockPineapple: PaigeyWagey ZoeTheAmazing JackTheDinosaur LittlegirlLexi Lay off! At least she had the guts to come back'

' ZoeTheAmazing: PinnockPineapple PaigeyWagey JackTheDinosaur LittlegirlLexi oop look who spoke up. Wheres part 3 of the skank patrol?'

' JackTheDinosaur: ZoeTheAmazing PinnockPineapple PaigeyWagey LittlegirlLexi stop it, guys'

' PaigeyWagey: JackTheDinosaur ZoeTheAmazing PinnockPineapple LittlegirlLexi whos side r u on?'

' JackTheDinosaur: PaigeyWagey ZoeTheAmazing PinnockPineapple LittlegirlLexi Lexi's if ur gunna be horrible'

' LittlegirlLexi: JackTheDinosaur PaigeyWagey ZoeTheAmazing PinnockPineapple Thank you, Jack'

' ZoeTheAmazing: LittlegirlLexi JackTheDinosaur Paigeywagey PinnockPineapple fuck off, we don't want you in our conversation'

' LittlegirlLexi ZoeTheAmazing JackTheDinosaur PaigeyWagey PinnockPineapple you should have thought about that before you tagged me in all of them, knob'

Nobody replied after my last tweet. I close my laptop and let out a huge sigh. At least some people were happy to see me back.

**Well, what will happen next? Will Jack and Alexa become besties 5ever? Hmmm**

**i have a YouTube channel!**

**if you want to see the face behind this crappy fanfic then look up 'I'm a rainbow llama'**

**yay!**

**I also have a twitter**

** GeorgieDanosaur**

**surprise ssurprised follow bback **

**it has come to my attention that there are many spelling and grammar mistakes in my writing. I swear this isn't my bad grammar, I write all chapters on my phone, and because I have an iPhone, autocorrect decides to be a bitch. I should probably proofread them before publishing, but aint nobody got time for that!**

**R&R for a pet minion!**

**Love always,**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	17. Chapter 16

*Third Person POV*  
Christmas had been and gone. It was now the day that family and friends gathered together to give poor Christopher Kendall a proper sendoff. PJ stood over the coffin, Phil and Carrie either side of him. He still managed to hold in all the emotions that he wanted to let out over the coffin that encased his husband.  
"I'm so proud of you, Peej" PJ heard Dans voice from behind him. He patted PJ's back and turned away.  
"Come on, lets go home. No need to hang around is there?" Everyone turned around, ready to go home, but Lexi loitered around by the coffin.  
"Just, give me five minutes" she said quietly.  
"Of course, squidge" Alex squeezed her shoulder.  
"Don't call me that. I only like being given pet names by parents that want me" she says it coldly, not looking once in his direction. Then she sits down by the coffin.  
"Hi Chris. It's Alexa. I know you can't hear me, what with you being- anyway..." Her voice hitches in her throat, but she carries on nonetheless.  
"I wish I could have said goodbye when I had the chance. But obviously, I just- I didn't know who you were. Putting it into perspective, that sounds like a really horrible thing to say. And now that I think about it, that was probably a horrible experience for my dads- I mean Dan and Phil. But it's not my fault, and now I remember! You were like the big brother I never had, even if you are the same age as my dad. It was so amazing, having you around me. You made me laugh and you taught me so much about life, things that Dan and Phil never did. I can only imagine how PJ is feeling. I love you, Chris. I'll miss you, and I'll never forget you" a couple of stray tears roll down her cheeks and onto the coffin. She blows a kiss to the coffin, stands up, and joins everyone else in the car.

*Chris POV*  
I stand over the mahogany coffin, thinking about life before all of this. I don't just mean before I died. I mean before all of it. When Dan and Phil were still married. When Lexi was still happily with them. When PJ and I would spend our Saturdays cuddled up on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn, watching some crappy romantic film. I've been stood here for nearly 2 hours, just reminiscing about the past 15 years. Thinking about particular moments when I was incandescently happy, trying to block out moments when PJ and I fought. I remember how we got together. It started in a hospital toilet. That's when the suspicious arose, that I might have some more-than-friendly feelings for him. Then a chat with my sister, Emma, (who has had another 2 kids with her husband, Dean), confirmed it. Then in the car on the way to visit Dan in the hospital, I accidentally let out my little crush. Then in the same hospital, in the same toilets, I realised we shared the same feelings. I smile at the memory. We've had our fair share of fights, no doubt. But they were never really fights, more squabbles over what to watch on telly or who we thinks going to win X Factor. Then I remember Dan and Phil. The countless evenings we've had playing drunk monopoly. Basically, every time someone lands on one of our properties, rather than pay us, they have to take a shot, or two if we have one house, three if we have two houses etc. Monopoly just isn't as fun unless you're drunk. I remember one time as we were playing, I had bought all of the oranges, and had hotels on all of them. When you have a hotel, the person has to take what's called a 'lemon drop' which is a sugar rimmed shot glass, half full with vodka and then the rest lemon. Phil landed on each one of my hotelled houses and had to take 3 of these shots. After each one, he grimaced, pulling his face into an almost comical expression. Needless to say, we all laughed at him.  
I also remember trips to the town centre with them, picking PJ up little presents if I saw something he would like. Alex and Carrie. Not much to tell with them. Carrie and I were friends in college, which is how she and Phil met. Alex came in to the picture a bit later, and when we moved to Swindon, they stayed in London. And finally, Alexa. I heard her saying I was like the brother she never had. It's true. I treat her like I would my little sister. She's such an amazing, lovely girl, and because she's so young, she needs a big brother, even if her big brother is thirty-seven years old. I smile at memories I've had with her, babysitting her with PJ. We decided that we didn't want to have children, but why do we need them, when we have Lexi! She's always given everything she wants, but never asks for more. She's spoilt, because she's any only child and Dan makes a good amount of money with his books, but she's completely content with what she has. She would be happy if she got a bin bag for Christmas! She's just always happy, always smiling, and I hate ever seeing her upset, because she doesn't ever deserve to be. I sigh and wander away as people come over with shovels, ready to trap the coffin that encases what I once was under a blanket of soil.

I wander around aimlessly, not really sure what to do. I could go to Phils, just to see everyone, but what's the point? I won't be able to talk to anyone, if I'm dead, will I? I'm not even sure why I'm still here.  
Surely I should have gone up to heaven or whatever?  
Or downwards  
Into the fiery depths of Hell. I could end up going there. I think back to everything I've done that I shouldn't have. They were mostly small things, but it all adds up. It was mostly things like forgetting to wash up, or borrowing PJ's belongings without asking, but it's the little things that count.

I follow everyone back to Phils house, gliding through the air, like a plastic bag. Who needs feet when you're a ghost?  
When I arrive, everyone is gathered in the living room. My mum is crying, with my dads arm around her. PJ is sat in the corner of the sofa with a glass of orange juice, hugging his knees. Carrie is close to tears, as is Alex. Phil is trying to keep everyone upbeat, offering around drinks and putting on a lot of my favourite songs. Dan is sat with my brother, laughing at something, but not in the happy way, more in the 'I'm trying my hardest not to cry' way. I can't see Lexi anywhere. I decide to perch my transparent arse next to PJ on the sofa. I place my hand carefully on his shoulder. I can feel his black tuxedo rustling under my fingers. I whisper sweet nothing's in his ear, and stroke his arm. But he can't feel my touch. He can't hear me telling him that he's better off without me anyway. He can't see me smiling, willing him not to cry. Because I'm not his husband any more.  
I spend the rest of the evening floating around, hearing people's real opinions of me. So many people have said so many nice things, it's so overwhelming.  
As I drift past my mum, I hear something that shocks me.  
"If he hadn't have got in the car with that idiot-" she points to Phil, who is shouting up at Lexi to come downstairs-"this wouldn't have happened. It's all Phil's fault" my face contorts, and I get so angry.  
"IT'S NOT PHILS FUCKING FAULT!" I scream, knowing full well she can't hear me. Then I go out to the end of the garden. I go up into Alexa's old treehouse den, not that it matters where I go. I can make out the faint sound of footsteps down the stairs, and Lexis voice saying these words:  
"what's not Phil's fault?" This causes me to cough and fall out of the treehouse, just floating in the air. I can feel my eyes widen, and my mouth drop. I'm sure if anyone could see me, they would laugh, because I'm sure I look like a cartoon. She heard me? She heard me shout at my mum? What if she can see me too? As she walks into the garden, I shoot into the treehouse. It's not until I see the top of her head that I realise that she's coming up here too. I get myself out into the air above the lawn, hiding behind the wooden wall. I peer through the window to see she's sat down, facing away from me, so I'm not scared to stay floating just outside the window. She lets out a long sigh, and rests her head on her knees.  
"I wish you would come back, Chris" she whispers.  
"Me too" I say back. This causes her to gasp and whip her head round. I get around the other side of the treehouse just in time. Well done, Chris. It took you less than a minute to forget that she can fucking hear you!  
"Who was that?" She says loudly, her voice wavering.  
"Dan, you're not funny" she chuckles, but I can hear that she's on the verge of panicking.  
"If I show you who I am, I want you to /promise/ me that you won't scream, okay? Promise?" I ask, disguising my voice slightly.  
"You're scaring me" she says cautiously.  
"Promise?" I ask again. She sighs worriedly.  
"Promise" she repeats. I float slowly up to the window. As soon as she sees me, she opens her mouth to scream.  
"Don't you dare, you promised!" I point at her sternly. She closes her mouth, before opening it again to say something. Then she closes it again. I try not to laugh, she looks like a fish. She opens it one more time, before bursting into tears. She crumples to the floor, her head falling into her hands while she cries and cries, ugly sobs coming from her mouth. I wish I could pull her into a hug, but I can't.  
"Shh, shush. Come on, hon. Don't cry" I say in my most soothing voice. She calms down slowly.  
"I just- I don't- I don't understand. How are you here?" She reaches out her hand to touch me, but her hand just goes straight through me. She gasps and retracts her hand. She stands up and backs into the door way. Then she turns around a clambers down the ladder and runs inside. I follow her.  
"Stop following me! Get away!" She shouts, causing everyone to look at her.  
"Leave me alone! Please! Go away!" This time she screams at me, crying too. Everyone stares at her, Phil trying to calm her down.  
"Love, who are you talking to?" He asks, concern filling his every feature. She points in my direction.  
"It's Chris! He's following me!" Everyone looks at me, and PJ makes a strange noise, which sounds like a pained cry.  
"Lexi, babe. I think you need to go to bed. We've had a long day. Everyone is going now anyway, aren't you?" My mum, dad, brother, aunties, uncles, cousins, everyone stands up and leaves. Not before giving Lexi a pitiful look though. She's still crying, but I won't go near her in case se screams again. My mum shoots Phil a glare but he's too distracted to notice.  
Once most people have left, Lexi goes upstairs, with Phil and Dan following close behind. She goes into her room, and I hear Dan talking.  
"PJ is staying on the sofa tonight and Alex and Carrie are in the spare room. As you know, Dan is in my room. Now is everything alright? Do you want to talk?" I don't hear a response but since they are on their way back downstairs I can only assume she said no. They join Carrie, Alex and PJ on the sofa. Dan let's out a long sigh.  
"I don't understand, I didn't think she was very close to Chris" Phil says.  
"They were really close! Whenever we used to babysit, they would spend the evening together, and they had all these inside jokes that I didn't understand" PJ responded. Phil looked up at Dan, who had sat down on the sofa right up close to him. He shuffled away a little bit.  
"I'm worried about her though. It may just be my paranoia causing me to say this, but could this be the start of a bit of schizophrenia? Should we get her to a therapist before it's too late?" Dan squeezes Phil's knee in a re-assuring way. He looks up to acknowledge this friendly gesture, but holds Dans gaze for slightly too long. He looks away quickly, but I can see the pain in his eyes. He is still in love with Dan.  
I need to do something about this. And there's only one person who can help.  
I float upstairs and into Lexi's room. She's laid flat on her bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. She looks like she should be in an asylum of some kind. When she spots me, she opens her mouth.  
"Get out! Please don't hurt me!" She screams At the top of her voice. four sets of feet come running up the stairs and the door is flung open.  
"What's up? What is it?" Phil panics, and Dan rubs his back. He steps away from Dans hand.  
"He's back! He won't leave me alone! Make him go away, dad! Please!"  
"I can't!" Three sets of voices say. The all look at each other, trying to work out which dad she meant, but don't say anything.  
"please! He's going to hurt me! Make him go away! I want him to go away! He's following me!" She screeches. Carrie sits on the bed beside her, and rubs her back.  
"Get off me! You're no mother to me!" She shouts. Then she gets up, puts some shoes on and runs out the house. Everyone calls after her, telling her she'll be in trouble when she gets back, shouting at her to come back, but it's useless. I try and go after her but she cries as runs away.  
"Please! Stop! I won't hurt you! I'm the same Chris I was before I died, except now only you can see me! Please?" She carries on running.  
"It's 10:30 at night, do you really think its safe to be funning around at your age?" I shout. She stops running.  
"If I go back, will you LEAVE ME ALONE?!"  
"Who are you shouting at?" I turn around and see Phil looking directly at me. But he's not looking at me. He's looking at Lexi. She rubs around me and straight into Phils arms.  
"Make him leave me alone, dad please" she sobs into his chest. His face goes tight at the word 'dad'.  
"I can't baby, I wish I could. Lets go home" he lifts her up, and she holds on to him like a monkey, sobbing into his shoulder. I just want to talk to her, but I can't even do that without scaring her. It's kind of distressing.


	18. Chapter 17

**Just a quick warning, this chapter is quite graphic. Don't read if you don't deal with violence/mild gore very well**

*Alexa POV*

Everything is dark. All I see is shadowy figure somewhere in the distance. Am I dead? I can feel my body. Am I dreaming? My whole body is being lifted. My feet aren't touching the ground. Where am I? I can hear things, people, moving around. I can feel the breeze as they rush past me. I can hear their hushed whispers. Who are they? Eyes. Blood red. Staring at me. No body, no face, just eyes. Sizing me up. Judging me. Then another set. More and more blood red eyes open around me. Then some shuffling footsteps in the floor. The figure has gotten closer. Behind me, there is a whine, and a scratch on the floor. It sounds like a claw scratching a concrete floor. I cringe. I try to move, but I'm chained to something. I know not to struggle, I've seen a lot of films. Am I being kidnapped? Or am I dreaming?  
"It's been a while" a familiar voice breathes into my ear, sending a chill down my spine. Who is this man? I gulp slightly, blinking back tears.  
"You know, it's your fault, what happened" He whispers again, and that's when I realize who is keeping me here. I hear a metal object being pulled from somewhere. I see the glint of the gigantic kitchen knife. He traces my cheek lightly with the end of the blade.  
"Are- are you going to kill me?" I ask, as bravely as I can. He cackles.  
"Eager, are we? No, not quite yet. I just want you to know that it's your fault. If you hadn't have been such a little shit, Dan would never have left Phil. Phil would have never have become an alcoholic. He would never have gone to the class to get over it. Never would have had to drive home. Never would have crashed the car. It's not Phil's fault. It's yours. Now I want you to feel the pain I went through when I lost the one thing I love. Now how does this feel?" A light comes on. Chained to the wall and gagged are 3 familiar face. One with brown hair and an earring. One with black hair and mismatched socks. One with red hair and a lip ring. Their clothes are torn and ruined, their faces pale, their eyes full of fear. Dan, Phil and Cherry. I take the time to notice the red eyes are in fact wolves. A scared whimper comes from somewhere in the room. It takes a couple of seconds to realize that the sound came from me.  
"Shut up! We can do this the easy way, or the hard way"  
"Like there would be a difference" I bite back, trying to hide the terror eating away at me.  
"Okay then, you selfish little bitch. Hows this?" He turns around, and marches over to Cherry, his boots scuffing the floor. She closes her eyes. She makes a loud noise, and when he turns around, I see blood, the colour of her hair, dripping down her arm. Her eyes cloud over and her head falls to the side. Her chest moves up and down, proving she's not actually dead, but has passed out. She's never been one to deal well with pain.  
"And it could get so much worse" He has an evil glint in his deep green eyes.  
"Please! If you want me to suffer, torture me! Leave my family and friends alone! Please!" I plead with him. The knife tickles my cheek again.  
"BUT THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE SUFFERING LIKE I DID! It's all well being in pain, but I want you to feel the pain I went through when my husband was so un-rightly taken away from me! You'll never go through the emotional pain I went through otherwise!" He moves his hand quickly, and I scream in pain. The blood pours down my cheek, mixing with the salty liquid coming from my eyes.  
"I told you to SHUT UP" He slaps the same cheek, and I bite my lip to stop myself from screaming again. Tears prick at my eyes.  
"But why? This isn't you PJ! Please! It's not my fault!" He pulls something from inside his coat and turns around.  
"Now here's the deal. Every time you open that selfish little gob of yours, another person suffers, Now who'll it be this time?2 He move his hand quickly and a crack echoed around the empty room, followed by a loud gasp of pain. He moves out the way and I see a big lump sticking out of Dans cheek. I bite at my lip even harder to stop myself from yelling out. I can taste the iron-y **((As in it tastes like iron))** liquid in my mouth, but I don't stop. Why is this happening? I can feel the pain in my chest. Is this what it was like when Chris died?  
"Now do you know how it felt? Chris Kendall was a perfect human. His time was not up. He wasn't ready to die. He didn't deserve to die. You see these people being hurt, but they're not dying. My soul mate died because of you. I think I'm letting you off easy" I feel the anger and contempt build up, and the words tumble out before I can stop them.  
"It's not MY fault I was adopted into a family of gay dads! It's not MY fault that people at my school are homophobic pricks! And It's not MY fault that you can't cling on to the fact that maybe - just MAYBE - that Chris was being a good friend, trying to help Phil. What happened was an ACCIDENT! It could have happened to ANYONE, it was just bad luck that it happened to Chris! You could blame anyone for this! You could blame Dan and Phil for adopting me! You could blame that bloody lorry driver! Hell, you could even blame Leigh-Anne for throwing that rock that MADE me lose my memory in the first place!" His eyes soften for a moment, and he drops his arm, which was pulled back, ready to whip me. Then his evil glare finds its way back.  
"You gobby little shit. I didn't want to have to do this, but now you've opened your stupid little mouth, you leave me no choice" He wheels a little table into the center of the room, containing a steamer, a hammer and a pair of pliers. It doesn't take me long to figure out what is in it.  
"Who's next?" He cackles, picking up the pliers and sliding over to Phil.  
"No!" I choke out, but he pulls something out of his pocket and throws it at me. It grazes my knee. I scream in pain again as the spiral object wedges into my thigh.  
"Shut up, or this could be SO MUCH WORSE" I gasp sharply and cry in silence. He pulls the lid off of the steamer, and both Dan and Phil whimper. He picks up one of the objects inside with the pliers, which I see is a nail, obviously very hot. He lowers it, almost in slow motion, to Phils arm. I look away and close my eyes, but I can't block my ears away from the pained cry of my dad and the hammering of the nail into his arm. The screaming stops, and I look over to see Phils head on his shoulder. This time I can see straight away the shine gone from his eyes. It's too late for him now. The nail stays in his arm, but he can no longer feel it. The man takes a step in Dans direction, and I know straight away whats going to happen. He pulls a butchers knife from inside his coat, and brings it down quickly to Dans arm. He screams in pain as his limb hits the floor. The man picks it up and walks straight towards me.  
"Now look what happened, because of you" He tickles the gash on my cheek with the arm of my father. I wince and cringe away, but he slaps me with the same arm. Then he drops it to the floor. He walks behind me. He chuckles evilly as he says to me:  
"Now you know what It's like to lose a loved one. But It's still not enough" He pulls a black objects from his pocket, and rests it on my temple. His chilling whisper tickles my ear.  
"Goodbye Alexa" I hear the click as he loads his gun, everything distorted because of the blood pounding in my head. He pulls slowly at the trigger and - **BANG **- That's when I wake up. Screaming.

**Well, I hope you somewhat enjoyed that. It was really hard to write! I don't in ANY WAY see PJ as a violent person, but I wanted to make this a bit different in a way. **

**I know it's a bit crappy, I've never written anything even MILDLY creepy before. This took me like 2 hours!**

**R&R For unlimited pizza**

**Love always**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	19. Chapter 18

*Phil POV*

I wake up with a start. This is the third time since Chris died that she woke up screaming, and since Alex and Carrie are trying to prove that they are right for parenthood, I can't do anything to help. I hear Dan stirring in the little camp bed that he's been sleeping in for the past week. He's so adorable when he sleeps- focus, Phil! I can't think of him like that any more, plus, daughter screaming again!

The problem is that Carrie and Alex are reluctant to take her to the doctor about her night terrors, claiming that 'its just a phase. It'll be over soon' and they won't listen to me when I tell them she may have PTSD. This sounds like such a horrible thing to say, but they are not fit parents. I heard Alex tell Alexa to 'stop being a stupid little teenager' the other day. Also, Carrie and Alex were talking in the kitchen about how Alexa seems like she's looking for attention. They don't know how to look after an eleven year old. They speak to her like she's five but act as if she should understand things that adults don't even fully understand. I strain my ears, but there's no rushed footsteps towards her bedroom, no calm voices telling her to be quiet, however I can still hear her thrashing about in her bed. I seize the opportunity and rip off the bed covers. My hands find my glasses and I shove them onto my face. I pad along the carpet hallway to her bedroom, and slowly open the door, hoping not to wake anyone else up. I have no idea what time it is, but it's pitch black so I know it's obviously late. My bum perches on the end of her bed and I put my hand on her face. My thumb grazes her cheek, and she begins to calm down.

"Mmph- dad?" She moans quietly.

"Shh shh. What's up hon?" She sits up slowly, her body shaking like a leaf.

"It's- it's my fault" she whispers, before bursting into tears. She falls into my lap, sobs escaping her lips and tears drenching the thigh of my pyjama trousers. I stroke her hair gently, calming her, until she stops crying completely.

"What's your fault, sweety?" I can hear a sharp intake of breath as she opens her mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a hysterical mumbling. She begins to sob again, and I can just about make up her sentence

"If I hadn't- hadn't have been bul- bullied then you and Da- Dan would still be- be together and you wouldn't have had been in- in the car with- with Chris" she wails and slumps back into my lap.

"Listen, baby, what happened isn't your fault, or my fault, or anyone's fault! Dan and I breaking up- well, things happen. I really wish it didn't, and if I could I would take Dan into my arms and tell him how much I love him. But I can't" she sits up and sniffs.

"Why can't you?" Her eyes flicker just above me, then she looks back at me. "How much do you still love him?" I breathe out.

"So much. It physically hurts, not having him next to me every day, and it gets boring living alone. He was my everything, without him I'm nothing" she nods

"So why can't you tell him"

"Because, well, he doesn't love me, does he? Anyway, you're young, I shouldn't be burdening you with my problems. What I am going to do is take you to the doctors, okay? Come here!" I pull her into a hug and she hugs back. It feels genuine, it feels right.

"Phil-" but the familiar voice is interrupted too soon.

"What are you doing? It's 6 o'clock in the mor- what do you think you're doing with our daughter?"

"Carrie pl-" Carrie stares at Alexa with hurt in her eyes, as she gets called by her first name.

"That's 'mum' to you thank you very much"

"You're welcome!" Alexa chuckled, feigning innocence. Wow, she's definitely Dans daughter. I let a small laugh escape my lips.

"What are you laughing at?! We are her parents! Not you! So we should be able to look after her, not you! Not my fault you can't look after her" I gasp at Carries harsh words, and I open my mouth to tell her that she ain't all that as a mum herself, but Alexa stands up.

"Shut up! That was completely unnecessary! He's more of a parent to me than you will EVER be! Aren't parents supposed to want there children? He looked after me for eleven years because YOU didn't want me! It was people at school who ruined it for him, so don't you DARE blame him for this! If I could stay here, I would, but I can't. But either way, I would rather live in a CARE HOME than live with the joke that I call parents! Now get out! All of you! Except Phil. Buh-bye" Carrie does as she's told, and I can see tears in her eyes, hurt filling every feature on her face. Dan is stood, staring at me, smiling. He turns around to leave, but Alexa calls him back. He sits on the bed, as close to me as I'll allow. I shuffle away slightly, not comfortable with how close he was sat. Alexa stands up, and I can see her still shaking after her nightmare.

"Can I ask you something. Why did you two break up in the first place?" I shoot a glance in his direction, hoping that he will explain, because honestly, I'm not 100% sure myself. Luckily, he does. But I wasn't expecting what he said.

"It was all my fault. I overreacted, I left Phil. It's my biggest ever regret and I wish I hadn't. But I did" he catches my eye, and I open my mouth to say something, but all I do is burst into tears. I'm not fully sure why, but I do. I run out of Alexa's bedroom and into mine, slamming the door. I collapse on my bed and hear two sets of feet running towards my bedroom. I lock the door quickly, and Dan bangs on it.

"Phil! Phil I'm sorry, please! Please met me in" his voice sounds pained, on the edge of tears himself. I know he barely ever gets upset like this, so I can feel the guilt. I lift myself up with a slight groan and unlock the door. I open it, and the first thing I think to do is pull Dan into the tightest hug I can. It built up all these emotions. How much I've missed him these past few months and how much I love him. I pull away and wipe my eyes.

"Did- did you mean that?" He nods.

"Did you mean what you said to Alexa?" This time it's my turn to nod.

"Let's talk. Come in here" he pulls me into my room and shuts the door.

*Dan POV*

He trails behind me over to the bed and sits gingerly on the edge. I sit close to him, but this time he doesn't shift away, but I notice his cheeks turn a light shade of pink. A small smile plays across his lips and he looks up into my eyes, but he soon drops it when he sees my serious look.

"What?" He asks softly, and I grab his hand. To my surprise, he intertwines our fingers and rests them on his thigh.

"Phil, listen. Please. I'm really sorry about everything that's happened over the last few months, about me freaking out when Alexa was taken away. I know that's not your fault. I wish I was there to stop you from turning to the bottle. But I wasn't, and that's completely my fault. I'm sorry" I see his eye water, but he blinks it away.

"How do I know you're not trying to play me?" He asks. I'm somewhat hurt by this, but I know that he has a right to be wary. I lean in and lean in and close my eyes and...collision. I pour out every single emotion I have through my lips, proving to him just how much I love him through this kiss. I feel him smile underneath my lips, and I can't stop myself from doing the same. I pull away for breath, and I see it. The sparkle is back in his eyes. I haven't seen that for a long time. His smile is as wide as the ocean.

"Did that prove it?" I ask.

"Oh shut up" he replies and kisses me again.

*Alexa POV*

My bed feels like it's made of nails right now. It's been an hour since I woke up screaming, and I've spent this whole time staring aimlessly at the ceiling. I can't sleep now, what if the dream comes back. I need to speak to PJ. I need to apologise. I need him to know that I know it's my fault. It's 7:09am, and it's kind of dark out. He only lives about fifteen minutes away if I walk quickly. I'm sure nobody will mind. I pull on some track suit bottoms, a loose fitting t-shirt, some jeans and a hoodie and go ever so quietly downstairs. Luckily, our stairs make no noise. I grab Dans keys off the side - I know their Dans because of the lack of key rings - slowly unlock the front door, and let myself into the cool Swindon air. It's not that cold considering its December. I lock the door behind me and begin my journey.

When I arrive, it's 8am. I must have been walking reeeeaaaalllyyyyy slowly for it to have taken forty-five minutes. Plus, I did get lost halfway. I knock on the door, hoping he is awake. It opens almost immediately, with PJ wearing black skinny jeans and a t-shirt. I find it weird that men in their thirties still wear skinny jeans, but to be perfectly honest, you wouldn't look at PJ and think he was in his thirties, he looks about the same age as he did in the pictures Phil showed me from fifteen years ago.

"Alexa? What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you, can I come in?" He moves his body slightly to allow me to manoeuvre past him, and shuts the door. I make my way to the living room, and sit on the sofa.

"Would you like a drink?" He shouts.

"Just water!" I shout back. "Why are you up and dressed so early?"

"Haven't been able to sleep since... Anyway, why are you here?" He asks as he comes in with a glass of water and a fruit shoot. He's like a child, I swear.

"I had a uh...a nightmare last night. It was about you, and it kind of made me want to speak to you. I need to tell you that I'm sorry, PJ. It's my fault Chris died, and I don't want you to hate me for that" he stares at me with interest, his eyes misty with tears.

"Don't be ridiculous. How could it possibly be your fault, you lived in London!" I take a deep breath.

"I was the reason Dan and Phil split up. I was being bullied for snapping at my friends. I lost my memory. I wish I could go back to the day that it all went wrong and rectify it. But I can't" tears roll down his cheeks, and he wipes them away.

"I appreciate you coming here, but I don't want you to beat yourself up. Chris died because some dickhead doesn't know to drive a bloody lorry. If I could go back, I would have made Dan and Phil work their problems out. I had the power to do that. But I was stupid enough to think that the problems would go away on their own. In that sense, you could blame me for what happened. But this isn't the blame game, what happened wasn't anyone's fault except the driver of the lorry" the tears are coming full force now.

"I'm sorry PJ, for making you cry" I Jump across the sofa to him and hug him tight. He hugs back without saying a word.

"I'm going to miss you, when you go back to London. You're a sweet girl. No wonder Chris loved you so much" now I'm the one crying. I pull away, sniffing, blinking the tears away. And that's when my phone rings in my pocket. I answer without looking at who it is.

"Hello?" I say

"Alexa where the hell are you? We're all worried about you!"

"I'm at PJ's"

"You stupid girl! We've been worried sick! How could you be stupid enough to leave on your own when it's dark! You're not an adult, you can't go to places on your own!" Tears roll down my cheeks at my 'mums' harsh words.

"Well-" I start, but I'm interrupted.

"You know we're going home tomorrow. You need to pack! Now get your ass back home right now. You're in so much trouble!" Maybe it's time for me to stand up for myself.

"I'll come back, but I'm not packing my things. I'm not going home tomorrow. I'm staying in Swindon, with the people who actually want me. I don't want to live with you any longer. You may be my real parents, but you're no real parents of mine" I hang up and PJ just stares at me. I'm really in for it now.

**So guys, this is the second to last chapter. Sad, I know. I will probably finish 'It Wasn't Just An Accident' at some point, but if you guys have any promts or starters I will write a story based around that!**

**I couldn't actually think of a way to bring Chris back in to the story, I'm sorry!**

**Anyway, look out for the final chapter, which will be hopefully up within the next couple of days, don't forget to maybe send me some prompts...if you want.**

**Review for love from me**

**Love always,**

**~Georgie'xo~**


	20. FINAL CHAPTER

*Dan POV*  
My eyes flutter open, white walls greeting me. I hear a soft snoring beside me. Phil is sat in the chair by my bed, sleeping. He looks...young. I mean, he looks about...26? I look down, and see the hospital gown. Why am I in hospital?  
A nurse comes in the room and sees my eyes open.  
"Oh my God, Daniel, you're awake! Let me just go and get a doctor. I'll be back in a sec!" Just before she leaves, I ask her to wait, and my voice comes out different.  
"What's the date?" I ask her.  
"19th of December, 2013! Now I'm just going to grab a doctor" 2013?! Last time I checked, it was 2028! I turn my attention to Phil, who is just waking up. He sees me and smiles, before his eyes widen to the size of Jupiter and he stands up.  
"Dan! You're- you're awake! I need to get a-"  
"Don't worry, the nurse has gone to get one. Now I want you to tell me what happened" his eyes fill with tears, and he sits down. He opens his mouth and wipes his tears away.  
"Well, we'd had a fight, and you were drinking. You'd taken paracetamol and they reacted, you needed to have your stomach pumped. You've been in a coma now for-" he looks at his watch "three months and twelve days" I gasp. So, getting married to Phil, having Alexa, everything that happened...that was a dream? But it was so vivid! I can remember every detail. It can't have been a dream! But everything that happened, I could see from different points of view. I remember being Alexa, being at school, I remember being Phil, being depressed, and being Carrie, and obviously myself. I hear two sets of footsteps coming rapidly down the hallway, followed by an exhausted looking doctor entering my room.  
"Mr Howell! How are you feeling" I sigh.  
"Groggy" I complain, and he smiles.  
"That's normal, you've just slept for three months! Are you in any pain at all?" I shake my head.  
"Now listen, Dan. The surgery you underwent was very dangerous, and that's what caused the coma. Now, we're going to keep you under a watchful eye for a couple days, just until you come to. When we do let you home, remember you can't drink for at least a month. Do you live alone?" I nod.  
"So are you going to be okay?" Phil stands up this time.  
"I'll look after him, don't you worry, doc!" The doctor smiles and nods at Phil.  
"Okay, thank you, sir. Now Daniel, just call for me if you feel any pain, okay? Bye, Daniel"  
"Okay, thank you, doc!" When he leaves, I sit up slowly. I think about the dream I had. How depressed I was when Phil left me. I know that people in comas aren't meant to think, to feel, to dream, to remember, but I remember every detail. I was so busy remembering that I didn't hear Phil calling my name until he shouted in my ear.  
"What what what?" he giggles.  
"I've told Chris and PJ that you're awake, they're no their way! How are you feeling? It's been a while!"  
"Random question, what do you think of the name Alexa?" He looks at me confusedly.  
"I love that name! I always wanted to name my daughter that, if I had one. That, or Nicole" I take a quick breath.  
"Listen Phil, I had a dream when I was out. I know that's weird for someone in a coma, but I did. It was us, in fifteen years time. We had a daughter, Alexa, and we were married. She got taken away from us, and we got divorced. It made me realise, I love you, Phil. And my life without you will be really rubbish. I was so depressed without you, and even though it was a dream, and to be perfectly honest, I have no idea /how/ I dreamed, aren't people in comas meant to be completely dead-to-the-world? Anyway, even though it was a dream, it made me realise that I couldn't live life without you in it" I take a deep breath and close my eyes, preparing for the impact of the harsh words that I'm sure he's going to say. His lips on mine come as a surprise, and I open my eyes, pulling away. He smiles widely, his blue eyes glowing in the hospital light.  
"Dan, the only times I've been home from this hospital in the past three months are to change my clothes and shower. I have been living off of the nasty hospital food for three months and you don't think I feel the same way? You silly turnip!" I can't help but smile, and he presses his lips to mine once more, only this time, I kiss back. It feels like heaven. This is where I'm meant to be, kissing Phil, for the rest of my life.  
"I'm so glad you woke up" he says as he pulls away. "My life without you wouldn't be the same"

**I wonder how many of you hate me right now? hope you enjoyed the FINAL CHAPTER OMFG BLARGHAHAHAH**

**don't forget to follow me (not home you stalkers) so you know when I post a new story! Follow me on twitter GeorgieDanosaur and look out for some new stories!**

**I love every single one f you that constantly reviewed and were awesome!**

**love always**

**~Georgie'xo~**


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